Historic Moment in my Comedy Career

Last night I hosted the weekly comedy competition at Etiquette Lounge. I love performing at this place, because the owner and staff are sooo cool AND the crowd is often rowdy. Boisterous crowds make me work harder to hold their attention and when I succeed, I feel a real sense of accomplishment. Unfortunately for one comic, Richard Kiss, two women who had been drinking there for a few hours and interrupted him every time he told a joke. It was awful and I really felt for the guy. When they actuall DID let him speak, his comedy went over their air-filled heads. When Richard handed the mike back to me, I decided to take a chance, knowing that the crowd would either love me or hate me for what I was about to say. "Hey guys, by audience applause--who wants the fucking cunts in the front row to shut the fuck up?" It worked. :) Biggest applause of my comedy career. That was the first time I ever used the C word on stage!

The staff approved and one audience member said I reminded him of Lisa Lampanelli. Another said Don Rickles. I'll accept that!

The hecklers were visibly embarrassed and kept quiet for a while. Then they started their nonsense again and I advised the men in the audience the if they wanted an easy lay, the two bitches would be behind the dumpster at the end of the night. Just wrap it up, fellas!

One of them got really mad at me and said, "We have careers! What do you do?"
???? Gee, I'm making an audience laugh with my jokes. I think that makes me a comedienne, you stupid whore!

I've never been that crude or negative on stage, but I felt the situation called for it. One of the women confronted me in the ladies room. She said something like, "Look, I know you're just doing your job, but--"

"Who are you?" I interrupted her, turned my back and walked.

Here's the thing: She began with "Look, I know you're just doing your job, but--"
But what? I know you're just doing your job, but I really like to act like a fucking retard and prevent you from doing it? I don't come to her workplace and knock the dick out of her mouth. Sorry for the hacky joke, but I felt it applied.



Recommended viewing: Heckler

Recommended listening: Shut up & Let Me Go by the Ting Tings