I Candy

Maya Fiennes Kundalini Yoga

2012-02-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

After a 50 minute walk with my dog late yesterday afternoon, I felt like it was too late for me to go to the gym, but I still wanted to get in a little exercise before I showered and made dinner. So I went to Exercise TV on Demand to look for a new, short workout. My legs and glutes were still sore from my workout Friday, so I needed a good stretch. I found Eye Chakra Yoga with Maya Fiennes, a 28 minute Kundalini yoga workout. It was exactly what I needed. The only criticism I have is that she instructs you to get into the triangle pose, when it was actually downward dog.

When it's all said and done, this is a quick intermediate yoga workout that will leave you feeling refreshed and relaxed.

Free Kathy Smith Workout DVD

2012-02-08T16:36:00.000-08:00

I love Kathy Smith. I have tried several of her workouts and they were all safe, effective, and fun. So I was pretty happy when I saw a link for "Free Workout Page" on her Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/theRealKathySmith The free DVD is Timesaver: Cardio Fat Burner. All you have to pay for is shipping, which for me was $5.99. You get a 40 minute cardio workout which can be split into two 20 minute workouts, depending on how much time you have.

Others I tried and loved:

Happy Belated New Year!

2012-02-07T13:25:00.000-08:00

I don't have any New Years resolutions, because I just don't make them. Instead, I set goals and achieve them, no matter what time of year it is. Everyone I know who makes resolutions makes them to lose weight. I was already planning on/working on losing my "relationship weight" for my wedding and then the rest of my life! It's going well and it really helps that I am working on learning the PiYo choreography. Here are some of my favorite workout tools/motivators.

I love watching shows that make me want to work out. This new one, Wicked Fit is basically Jerseylicious at a fitness club in Boston. Season 1 just ended and I hope they return for a second season. It's funny, campy eye candy.

Whether you're already working out or just beginning, Jackie Warner's first book

This Is Why You're Fat (And How to Get Thin Forever): Eat More, Cheat More, Lose More--and Keep the Weight Off is so important to read. It's full of useful real information (no stupid fads) about exercise and nutrition, workout plans, menus and recipes. I've made quite a few of the recipes she provides and they have all been delicious.

Mixing up your routine constantly challenges your muscles so you see quicker results, so in addition to my weight and cardio and PiYo workouts, I like to try new workout videos at home. I tried a 20-minute Bethenny Frankel Skinny Girl workout on On Demand and it was fantastic. It's an "excerpt" from her DVD Bethenny's Skinnygirl Workout, which contains 3 yoga workouts you can do every day or do one or two, according to how much time you have. I like it because Bethenny's trainer takes her through a workout and offers modifications for each pose and they discuss which muscles they work and/or stretch.

Another fun one to try is Crunch's Fat Burning Pilates. It's from 2003, so it's a little old, but not outdated. It's a great introduction to Pilates, as it's an energetic, creative, and it encourages you to develop long, lean sexy muscles. Ellen keeps you focused on perfect posture.

The routine starts with a dance-based cardio routine. She incorporates standing Pilates moves into a low-impact, but rather fast-paced cardio section.

The second mat-based Pilates Floorwork Routine is best done in bare feet and a yoga mat is quite useful, but not necessary. I actually did this whole workout barefoot.

The only criticism I have of this one is that it's called fat-burning, when my heart rate never once reached the fat-burning zone, so I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.

Favorite Christmas Songs

2011-12-24T21:53:00.000-08:00

This is in no way a complete list. I love Christmas music. Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Skin care

2011-12-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

I'm so flattered someone complimented me on my skin the other day, so here are some of my favorite skin care products. I have about 4 cleansers on hand usually, and I switch it up every time I wash my face. The more I switch them up, the cleaner my face gets every time I wash it. Most often, I buy Target's store brand Up & Up, because they contain exactly the same ingredients as the name brands. It doesn't really matter what I wash my face with as long as I use the Clarsonic brush, one of the best investments I've ever made.

Anything from Aveeno is alright with me! I love all their cleansers and high SPF moisturizers.

I just used this mask for the first time and I could feel it working its magic. The only downside to this one is that it turned my wash cloth black.

I love Booth's, too. I found them by accident on drugstore.com. This microdermabrasion scrub contain pumice, which some people may find too rough. My skin absolutely glows after I use this.

Relatively Inexpensive Gift Ideas

2011-12-15T16:28:00.001-08:00

They say it's better to gift than to receive. That's true if the gift you receive sucks. Sometimes it's hard to buy for other people like coworkers or new friends or people in your significant others' family who you don't know well. When it comes to people I do know well, I take notes all year. If someone tells me they love Frenet, that info goes into memo in my phone. Then when the holidays roll around, I know what to get for them.

Here are some of my favorite gifts to give and/or receive:

Liquor. If they don't like it, they can regift it, bring it to a holiday party for others to enjoy, or keep it for their guests.
Frame a special picture of you together in a cool frame.
Bath stuff. You can make this a bit more personal by creating a little gift basket with bubble bath, a small bottle of champagne or liquor, a candle, a single packet of a beauty mask, a cheesy novel, and label it: "A Night to Yourself" or "A Quiet Night In" or something like that.
A special dish with the recipe. One of my friends knew how much I loved her mango salsa, so she gave me a big jar of it and I loved it. Another cute idea is to bake cookies and give them on a Christmas plate. One of my coworkers at my old office job once gave us all fancy mugs with packets of gourmet hot cocoa idea in them.
Simple, pretty stationery. Another coworker gave me some gorgeous blank cards made from recycled paper. Any time I need a blank card, they are there and I don't have to run to the store to get a card.
For fitness freaks, I love the Grip Pad gloves and a cool water bottle. They are more sanitary than the typical weight lifting gloves. http://www.gripad.com/
If you're totally at a loss, you can alway go with gift certificates. Movie passes, Itunes gift cards, Starbucks...Or Christmas stuff. Christmas candles, ornaments, figurines...if they don't like them, they only have to look at them once a year.

My new holiday tradition: Trannyshack!

2011-12-15T16:25:00.001-08:00

Founded by Hecklina and my pal Pippi Lovestocking, Trannyshack, San Francisco’s infamous drag performance night club, shocked and delighted packed audiences every Tuesday night at midnight for over twelve years. Defying all expectations, Trannyshack incorporated everything from low brow trash to high brow performance art, and became famous (or, infamous) worldwide as the quintessential San Francisco experience. No visit to the City was complete without a stop at Trannyshack.

I've been in the Bay Area for 7 years and my first Trannyshack experience happened last year when I attended The Golden Girls Christmas Episodes, which featured Jane Weidlin of the Go-Go's. Drag queens + Golden Girls + Christmas + A Go-Go = FUN!!! So I decided to go again this year and bring my future mother-in-law and make it a holiday tradition. They performed two different Christmas episodes in new costumes, new sets, and in a new, larger venue! My group had a blast.

My advice is get there early so you can find your ideal seat. We showed up just in time (for the usual SF reasons--traffic and parking), so we had to sit way up in the balcony and had to reposition ourselves in our seats to see everything. Also, all alcoholic drinks were $10 a piece. Eek! I had bottled water for $2. : )INFO:
The Golden Girls Christmas Episodes

Starring Heklina, Cookie Dough, Matthew Martin, Pollo Del Mar, Laurie Bushman, and Manuel Caneri. 11 Shows Only!

Victoria Theater, 2961 16th St. @ Mission. All shows 8pm. $25 advance, $30 at the door. Tickets available HERE.

FYI--As I'm writing this, the Saturday 12/17 show is already SOLD OUT! That leaves only two left, so if you want to go, get your tickets now!!!

PiYo

2011-12-15T13:56:00.000-08:00

For several years I practiced Ashtanga yoga, which I absolutely loved. It eliminated all my back pain, not only from all the stretching and strengthening, but by forcing me to relax.* I moved too far away from the club that offered it, and haven't found a comparable class. One day I just happened to take a yoga class that was taught by a sub who decided to teach us something different--PiYo. I loved it!

Copied and pasted from turbokick.com: "It’s the perfect blend of many disciplines: sports training, core conditioning, dance, stretch, and athletic drills that will help kick up the calorie burn and build muscle! The dynamic blend of movement increases strength, core stability, and agility. This workout provides an incredible experience and helps you lose weight."

So I got certified to teach PiYo and here's a sample of Lesson 19, which is the choreography I'm learning now:

I will let the world know when I teach my first class, hopefully in January.

* That's another story...I highly recommend you read Healing Back Pain by Dr. John E. Sarno. I learned from it that we create physical pain from our anger and anxiety. For years I thought I had a "bad back."

New couch

2011-12-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

I'm in the market for a new couch, which means I'll also want some new chairs and end tables,so I figured I'd get some inspiration online and share the pictures and decorating ideas with y'all...

TheKnot.com vs me

2011-11-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

Since getting engaged to my wonderful fiance Andy, I've had a pretty good idea of what kind of wedding I want. Instead of hiring a wedding coordinator, I'm using an invaluable site Theknot.com to keep track of everything. I frequently get emails from them with great wedding advice and today's article advises how to handle rude questions that people often ask brides-to-be. I found their comebacks too vanilla for my taste, so I came up with some of my own.

"Are you sure you're ready?"
I'm unemployed and don't have health insurance. You bet your ass I'm ready.

"The marriage won't last."
Neither do his erections.

"Your engagement is too long."
This conversation's too long.

"Your engagement is too short."
I have cancer.

"Is that really the ring you wanted?"
No. (Then burst into tears.)

"This bridesmaid dress is ugly."
It was hard for me to find something that would flatter your big fat ass.

"That's a great idea...I'll do it too!"
Great, why you don't just steal all my fucking ideas?

"Who is paying for all this?"
Oprah. Who the hell do you think?

"Am I going to be invited?"
Um...I'd love to invite you, but because we have such a big budget, I'm limiting the guest list to friends and family.

"How much did that cost?"
How much did your face cost?

"I'm RSVPing...with guest."
Wonderful! ANOTHER freeloader.

"I want to make a toast."
I don't want my wedding to suck.

"So when are you going to have kids?"
I'm barren.

Read more: Bad Wedding Etiquette Comebacks - Sticky Subjects - Wedding Planning - TheKnot.com http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-problems/articles/bad-etiquette-comebacks.aspx?page=10#ixzz1eNaP1a2w

Lemon fresh hair and April fresh t-shirt coffee

2011-07-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

So on July 4th I went to a pool party and completely forgot everything my awesome hairdresser Julie at Hermosa Salon told me--"wet your hair first and put a leave-in conditioner in your hair before swimming. That should keep it from drying out." Without thinking, I jumped in the pool and spent most of the day swimming and when I woke up the next morning, my hair was the most unflattering shade of green! So I looked online for home remedies and one of the sites I read suggested mixing a paste of baking soda and shampoo and washing with that first...did not work! The second one I tried worked, thankfully. Before I washed my hair, I saturated it with lemon juice, combed it through and waited at least five minutes. Then I washed and conditioned as usual. It worked!

My second emergency home remedy just happened. I woke up this morning and went to make my coffee as I always do, only to find no coffee filters and no paper towels, which is what I would usually use when I run out of filters. There is no way I'm driving to Starbucks to get coffee, even though there is a Starbucks within walking distance to my place. So I Googled "out of coffee filters what can I use" and the most common answer after paper towels was cheesecloth. I don't keep cheesecloth on hand, so the next answer was my solution--t-shirt. It worked just fine! And I'm sure there are chemicals and garbage in my clothing detergent that I woiuldrather not injest, but whatever....it 's just this one time.

Workout playlists

2011-07-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

I love working out so much, but I do need something to listen to and/or motivate me while I'm doing it. Sometimes I listen to the Howard Stern Show, or I'll use a piece of cardio equipment with its own individual tv. Here are some on my cardio playlist that always get me going:

Lady Gaga--Born this Way
Bill Conti--Gonna Fly Now (Does anyone who works out NOT have this on their Ipod?)
Master Blaster--Since you've been gone
Donna Summer--Journey to the center of your heart
Badfinger--No matter what
Madonna--Give it to me, Hung up, Sorry, pretty much any of her songs
Katy Perry--Firework
The Jackson 5--I want you back
AC/DC--you shook me all night long, For those about to rock
Pink--Please don't leave me
Joan Jett--Cherry Bomb
Daniel Bedingfield--Gotta get through this

Broccoli Bacon Salad

2011-07-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

That is not a picture of the actual broccoli bacon salad I made for the 4th, because I forgot to take one, so I found another one online. I used Apple cured bacon from Trader Joes--the recipe calls for 10, but there are about 13 in the package. My finance grilled them all for me I sliced up the extra 3 small for dog treats. Mix a cup of mayo with 4 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar, half a cup of chopped red onions, two bags of broccoli florets and the bacon. That's it! Soooo easy. Some people make it with raisins, but I prefer a saltier salad. Next time I may add sunflower seeds. The recipe my aunt gave me calls for shredded cheese, but I completely forgot to add it. If you're going low-carb, you'll love this salad!

Five Funny Females Returns to the Purple Onion!

2011-06-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

I am super excited about the awesome line-ups for 5 Funny Females on August 5th & 6th at the Purple Onion and would like to announce that I am on the Saturday, August 6th show!

Susan Alexander hosts 5 Funny Females Festival, http://www.5funnyfemales.com/, showcasing a VARIETY of the funniest female stand-up comedians from NYC, LA , SF, Comedy Central, VH1, Showtime and NBC to San Francisco 's legendary Purple Onion.

The Purple Onion
140 Columbus Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94133
Phone: 415.956.1653
Tickets: $20 / Buy online @ http://5funnyfemales.eventbrite.com

Saturday, August 6th
8 PM
Susan Alexander – Host of 5 Funny Females, The Denial Show
Candy Churilla – NBC’s Last Comic Standing
Naomi Ekperigin – VH1
Maggie Newcomb – Winner of Battle of the Bay
Joselyn Hughes – VH1, Comedy Central’s Tosh.0
Sandy Stec – TV Land Red Carpet

Cool new fitness find

2011-06-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't worn gloves while weight training in years, because they're nasty. They make my hands hot and the gloves trap the sweat in the fingers, making the gloves smell. Nice. So I found GRIPAD weight lifting gloves in my favorite magazine, Fitness Rx For Women.

They are fingerless work out gloves and I love them! Check out www.gripad.com for more information.

A "real" fake tan

2011-06-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have naturally light skin, and my legs can be ghostly white. I don't want to get skin cancer or look like a leather bag by the time I'm forty years old, nor do I want to prance around a pool party with bright white legs. The best products I've found to give me a natural-looking, non-orange tan are the Jergens Natural Glow moisturizer and Sally Hansen's Airbrush Legs. I actually like the scent of the Jergens lotion, because it doesn't clash with my favorite perfume, Curve.

June shows!

2011-06-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

I know, this weather is awful, so we all could definitely use a laugh in a WARM venue! This is what I have coming up in June:

June 4, Saturday 8:30 PM Candy Churilla Headlines Comedy Brains
The Marsh Arts Center, 2120 Allston Way , Berkeley, CA
This is going to be a great show featuring Colleen Watson and Joe Tobin, two of my favorites. Colleen Watson’s an up and coming comedian with a sarcastic sense of humor and a dry wit. To quote an audience member, “Wow you’re messed up, hella funny, but you got issues.” Joe Tobin: Joe is talented writer and affable comedian who has appeared on the Independent Film Channel.

Get online tix for only $10 at checkout. Click Discount code then enter CRANIUM while supplies last: https://www.cliqn.com/marsh/index.php?event_id=457
Facebook event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=214034821953097

June 6, Monday 8 PM QComedy Showcase
Martuni's, 4 Valencia Street, San Francisco, CA
SF’s Favorite Spot for Queer and Queer Friendly Comedy! Starring Cookie Dough, Cassandra Gorgeous, Morgan, and lil ole me! If you haven’t been to Martuni’s yet, you’re in for a treat--they serve the most delicious cocktails and after the show stick around for the famous piano bar! Admission $5-15 sliding scale, NOTAFLOF, All proceeds benefit Monarch’s Charity Fund.

June 8, Wednesday 8 PM Candy Churilla Headlines
Marcello's, 515 San Ramon Valley Boulevard, Danville, CA 94526-4011
Comedy at the most romantic restaurant in Danville! Featuring Sandra Risser, David Kleinberg, Nina G, Paul Simmons

June 23, Thursday 9 PM Comet Club Comedy
Comet Club, 3111 Fillmore Street, San Francisco, CA

June 29, Wednesday 8 PM Backroom Comedy at McNally's
Mc Nally’s Irish Pub, 5352 College Ave, Oakland, CA ***** Featuring me, Ben Feldman, Karinda Dobbins, and more!

Hope to see you at an upcoming show!
Candy

Check out the teaser for a short film I'm in...

2011-05-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

I recently had the pleasure of working with two of my favorite film makers, Mitch Costanza and Andre Welsh on a film called The Process. We're raising money on kickstarter for this short film about a man obsessed with the teachings of a motivational speaker who teaches him to seek revenge on all the people that wrong him on a daily basis. I'm one of the people who wrong him! Thanks for helping us spread the word to raise funds to be able to complete this film.

And I Should Know

2011-05-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

As a fan of Roseanne's and a woman in comedy, I really enjoyed this essay. Some have criticized her for bashing her industry and even her own history, but I found it fascinating.

And I Should Know

Questionable Romaine

2011-05-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

A Ben Feldman short...draw your own conclusions.

Man submits drawing of spider Instead Of Payment For Overdue Account

2011-05-12T10:50:00.000-07:00

An old friend of mine sent me this link, and as a jaded comic, I rolled my eyes and didn't bother to click on it until about a week later. My mistake! I laughed my ass off!

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Yes please.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.
Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

Yay! Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello together again!

2011-04-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

One of my all-time favorite tv shows is Strangers with Candy, so I was so happy to find Jerri and Jellineck together again. Copied and pasted from Punchline Magazine:

For now, the closest thing we’re going to get to a Strangers With Candy reunion is this: Strangers‘ alum Amy Sedaris plays a not-too-bright woman in a Funny Or Die exclusive; she’s been invited to shabbos by her new man friend, played by fellow Stranger Paul Dinello. There is, of course, a misunderstanding of Three’s Company proportions at the start of sketch, which only compels our protagonist to find a creative solution.

It’s yet another example of huge brands snagging stellar comedic talent to push their goods; in this case it’s Chipotle. The video is part of the company’s “Wrap What You Love,” campaign, wherein consumers are asked to send in photos of their most beloved things enveloped in gold paper– which, is the way Chipotle is now wrapping their burritos. Are you following?

The real question is, how times today has an intern at Chipotle opened up an email only to find a pic of some dude’s dick wrapped in gold paper?

Ponder that as you watch the video.

Amy Sedaris' Golden First Date from Amy Sedaris

Light it up Blue for Autism

2011-04-10T13:52:00.000-07:00

One of my boyfriend's grandsons (I'm still not used to saying that!!) has been diagnosed with a mild form of autism. He's three and he doesn't talk. But last Monday he said, "I love you" out of the blue and made our week! So in case you're wondering why some of your Facebook friends have tinted their profile pics blue, we're raising awareness for autism. It has NOTHING to do with Smurfs, so save the dumb comments. Visit http://www.lightitupblue.org for more info.

And here is how you can turn your pics blue:

STEP 1:Click on the "Profile" link to visit your Facebook profile

STEP 2:Right click on your profile picture and select "Save Picture As" from the menu. then save the image to your computer's desktop as "Blue Profile.jpg"

STEP 3:Once your profile image is saved, open a new window in your web browser and visit http://pixlr.com/editor/ and click on "Open Image From Computer"

STEP 4:Select "Blue Profile.jpg: from the list of files on your desktop. Click the "Open" button

STEP 5:Click on the "Adjustment" menu and select "Color lookup"

STEP 6:When the "Color lookup" window opens, double click on the black box next to the word "color," enter "250" into the box that appears next to "B." and click "OK"

STEP 7:Click on the "File" menu and select "Save" and click OK. Then select "Desktop" as the location to save your image back to your desktop, click "OK" and close the window for the picture editor

STEP 8:Return to your Facebook profile page, scroll over your profile picture and click on "change picture"

STEP 9:Click on the "Browse" button and select "Blue Profile.jpg" from the list of files on your desktop and click the "Open" button to replace your image

The Whatever Girls Return to TV

2011-04-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

Yay! Alexis Stewart and Jennifer Koppelman Hutt are back on TV tonight. In the first video, they check out the digs where they'll be taping "Whatever, You're Wrong," a new half-hour show of pop-culture talk, hot-topic debate, and hilarious debacle, premiering 11 p.m./10 p.m. CT on Hallmark Channel. Take a look.

Cocktails

2011-03-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

One of my creative friends, Keith Haddock, is part of this gay-themed TV show pilot/start-up called Cocktails. He and the crew have been working on this for the last couple years and the creators are trying to raise funding for a pilot episode.

You can check out the teaser trailer for "Cocktails" which is presently in development here:

Cocktails Trailer from Cocktails on Vimeo.

As darkness falls on the city of San Francisco, people escape from their everyday lives into the nighttime landscape of the bar scene. It’s a world punctuated by flashing light, loud music, swirling color and emotions. The walls around secrets and desires crumble and fall away with a little help from alcohol, drugs and opportunity. "Cocktails" provides an unguarded portrait of San Francisco and the human condition in a Technicolor film noir pallette.

And you can share the link with your friends: http://vimeo.com/20586489

You can read all about the project on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=100002011485129

You can also tweet the project at:
http://twitter.com/#!/CocktailsSeries

They need to raise money to shoot a mini-pilot to present to networks, cable companies, and potential co-production partners. You can support the project by donating any amount of money, and in return you get to choose from an amazing collection of "premiums" (just like a PBS fund drive). No other project offers such an array of great rewards. Please go to these sites, find a reward, click on a premium, and donate:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cocktailstheseries/cocktails-feature-and-tv-series

and/or

www.indiegogo.com/Cocktails

There are different premiums on each site, so check out both sites.

This is a great project, and important one, too. But they need our help to put this over the top.

Mollica Sokhom, come on down!

2011-02-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

Here are some great shows you should check out...They're great because they are the only upcoming shows I have flyers for. : )

AND... Local comedienne Mollica Sokhom will appear on the Price is Right March 1rst!

Happy New Year!

2011-02-02T09:46:00.000-08:00

I guess my resolution this year was to not blog.

Ben Feldman Presents: Ben Feldman's The Ben Feldman Show With Ben Feldman, Candy Churilla & Microphones is on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time as Ben is working on another very important project.

I didn't like this song when it came out, now I'm revisiting my Tammy Wynette Tears of Fire collection, and love it...

And in the spirit of musical icons collaborating with young whipper-snappers, here is a gem from the 80s...Dusty Springfield and the Pet Shop Boys' What Have I Done to Deserve This?

Loretta Lynn and Jack White on Portland Oregon...

Need a good laugh and to get into the Christmas spirit?

2010-12-09T12:35:00.000-08:00

Watch these!

Christmas Song Goes Bad @ Yahoo! Video

10 ways to walk off fat faster

2010-12-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

I'm doing what seems to be the impossible--LOSING weight this holiday season. Since I got a dog, I don't spend as much time in the gym, since I have to walk her a lot, and walking isn't as effective a workout as stair-climbing or using the step mill. A couple times a week, I take her to a neighborhood a few miles away from our place because it has killer hills. This article says "skip killer hills," but I love them. They get my heartbeat up and I can feel the burn in my legs. You can find the original article here.

By Tracy Teare

Here’s how to boost your calorie-burn big time—without much extra effort.

Get some poles
Using Nordic poles torches an average 20 percent more calories by engaging the muscles in your upper body and torso, says Mark Fenton, author of The Complete Guide to Walking. Plant the pole firmly at a 45-degree angle behind you, then push back forcefully against the ground to propel yourself forward.

Skip killer hills
Don’t assume the biggest inclines are the best for burning fat. “It’s better to maintain your speed on a moderate hill than to slow down substantially on a steeper one,” Fenton says.

Use your arms
Vigorously pumping your bent arms helps you go faster—and burn more calories, says Lee Scott, walking coach and director of WoW Power Walking in Toronto.

Take smaller steps
The best way to boost your speed—and thus your burn—is to take shorter, faster steps, Scott explains. Time yourself walking 100 steps, then recover for one minute. Count another 100 steps, and try to shave five seconds off your time. Repeat 12 times.

Set goals you can see
Choose markers (stop sign, park bench, etc.) and speed up until you reach them, suggests Therese Iknoian, author of Fitness Walking. Slow down for the same distance.

Wipe the pavement
Roll through from heel to toe. When you get to the ball of your foot, push off as if wiping gum off your sole, Iknoian says. This will get your calf, hamstring, and glute muscles involved—and the more muscle you use, the more calories you burn.

Go shoe shopping
To get the most power from your push-off, opt for a shoe with minimum cushioning and maximum flexibility in the front of the shoe, Fenton says.

Stand straight
When your body’s aligned, your back and butt muscles are able to work more powerfully, so you walk faster and torch more calories. Stand tall with a straight spine, keeping your ears and shoulders aligned over your hips.

Raise your rate
Wearing a heart-rate monitor is like having your own coach keeping you at optimal fat-torching pace. “It’ll give you a push if you’re slowing down too much, but also get you to ease up if you’re pushing too hard,” Iknoian says.

Add strength
Simple moves like push-ups and lunges get more muscles involved for major burn, reveals Harley Pasternak, who trains many celebs, including our November cover celeb Hilary Duff. When you walk, stop every five minutes and do one minute of moves. This will help up your metabolism over the long-term, too. What’s better than burning more calories while you walk? Blasting them off while you sleep, of course.

Great gift idea from the Ben Feldman Show...

2010-12-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

This past Tuesday, Dan Dion, internationally renowned photographer made his first appearance on Ben Feldman Presents: Ben Feldman's the Ben Feldman Show With Ben Feldman, Candy Churilla, & Microphones to tell us about !Satiristas! Comedians, Contrarians, Raconteurs & Vulgarians. Dan brought a copy and I'm so glad he did--I enjoyed flipping through it and it is a great gift idea for anyone who loves comedy. The book is full of Dan's photos and Paul Provenza's interviews. Some of my favorite people featured in the book: Dave Attell, Maria Bamford, Roseanne Barr, Joy Behar, Sandra Bernhard, Stephen Colbert, David Cross, Will Durst, Janeane Garofalo, Eddie Ifft, Richard Lewis, Bill Maher, Marc Maron, Michael McKean, Kevin Nealon, Conan O’Brien, Bob Odenkirk, Staff of The Onion, Trey Parker, Greg Proops, Colin Quinn, Mo Rocca, Henry Rollins, Doug Stanhope, Matt Stone, Lily Tomlin, Fred Willard

Check out Dan's website here to read more about him and look at his beautiful pictures. One of my goals is to have him shoot me someday!

DEEEE-licious Thanksgiving recipes!

2010-11-26T23:08:00.000-08:00

All three of these recipes turned out awesome, so I just had to share...I don't like pumpkin pie; never have, never will, but I knew I would love pumpkin cheesecake. I found this highly-rated Paula Deen recipe on the Food Network's site and you can find the source by clicking here. These recipes work for Christmas too.

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Ingredients

Crust:
1 3/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
3 tablespoons light brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 stick melted salted butter

* * * OR * * * You could do what I do, and buy pre-made Keebler crusts. Get two.

Filling:
3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, at room temperature
1 (15-ounce) can pureed pumpkin
3 eggs plus 1 egg yolk
1/4 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
2 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

For crust:
In medium bowl, combine crumbs, sugar and cinnamon. Add melted butter. Press down flat into a 9-inch springform pan. Set aside.

For filling:
Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add pumpkin puree, eggs, egg yolk, sour cream, sugar and the spices. Add flour and vanilla. Beat together until well combined.

Pour into crust. Spread out evenly and place oven for 1 hour. Remove from the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 4 hours.

Green bean casserole

Ingredients:

1 10 3/4 oz. can of Campbell's creme of mushroom soup
3 cans or 4 cups of green beans
1 can of French Fried Onions

In a 1 1/2 quart casserole, combine soup, beans, and half the can of oniions. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until hot and bubbling. Top with remaining onions and bake for 5 minutes or until onions are golden brown.

Roasted Cauliflower with Bread Crumbs

I got this one from the free downloadable Martha Stewart cook book. From contributor Jonathan Waxman...

Ingredients:

Serves 4

1 head of fresh cauliﬂower
6 tablespoons melted butter
2 tablespoons good olive oil
1 clove garlic (peeled and smashed)
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan
3 tablespoons fresh bread crumbs
1 pinch red pepper ﬂakes
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Directions
1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Wash and cut cauliﬂower into ﬂorets (you should have about 3 cups).
2. In a large bowl, toss all the ingredients together. Transfer to a heavy baking dish, large enough to hold the cauliﬂower
in a single layer.
3. Bake until the cauliﬂower is golden brown and tender, 30 to 35 minutes. Serve.

People totally losing their shit

2010-11-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

I love it. Here is a food fight at the East Oakland Denny's on Halloween.

McNugget rampage...

Woman going apeshit after missing her flight...

Classic video of guitar comic thrashing heckler

2010-11-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

I love this! Makes me wish I had a guitar in these situations....

New Videos from baitandswitchtv.com

2010-11-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

Here are two new videos from baitandswitchtv.com. I'm proud of the first one; no so much the second one. If only the director had told me my boob was falling out of my dress...

Hoo hoo yeah!

2010-11-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

I never knew Samantha Fox covered this Kiss gem until now. The costumes, the choreography.....

And OMG, check this out...Is this a joke?

What's with the man's shirt? Did Sam put on weight? She still looks beautiful.

Here's how I prefer to remember her:

Classic Film Gem from the 80's

2010-11-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

When I was a little kid, my parents took me to Montage Video in Scranton on a regular basis. I loved looking at the movie cases--especially anything rated R. Angel fascinated me because the main character attended high school by day and hooked at night. Watching it as an adult I'm sure was much funnier! Watch it with someone you love and laugh your ass off!

I swear I'm not being bitchy

2010-11-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

I love Debbie Harry and I have always been a huge Blondie fan, but what the hell was she thinking with this outfit? I can't believe a beauty/style icon like her would wear this get-up to get groceries, but she wore it to a screening of Robert Downey Jr.'s new film Due Date. I'm assuming she doesn't have a stylist, so please somebody step up. Courtney Love looked pretty good. That's my shallow post for the day.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1325861/Debbie-Harry-makes-Courtney-Love-look-respectable-arrives-premiere.html#ixzz149s3Hl2n

Foods dogs should NOT eat

2010-10-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

My family has had dogs forever, so it really shocked me that my mom didn't know that dogs should NOT have grapes. I've only had my dog since last July, so I guess it's no surprise that I knew this and my mom didn't--I'm like the neurotic new parent who's reading all the books and articles, while my mom's like the laid-back old pro.

The picture I posted is my dog Precious and her boyfriend Sanchez, Ben Feldman's dog.

Click HERE for the original article.

Recent alerts about unsafe commercial pet foods have sounded an alarm among pet owners. Unfortunately, this problem isn’t really ‘news’. It seems that incidents similar to this occur from time to time. Perhaps this is one reason more and more pet owners are opting to ‘home cook’ for their pets. However, in order to properly home-cook for your pets, you should first have a basic knowledge of canine nutrition; and, even more importantly, a thorough knowledge of human foods that are harmful to dogs. Some foods which are safe for human consumption can be poisonous for our canine companions. E-dog-training.com has put together a list of 25 common human foods that are toxic to dogs. Of course, when in doubt, always check with your vet. Here is a list to get you started:

Sponsor - Dog Snack Recipes - Feed Your Dog Right to Increase Their Lifespan and Health
1. Onions (Both onions and garlic contain the toxic ingredient Thiosulphate. But onions are more of a danger. Many dog biscuits contain *small* amounts of garlic – garlic contains less of this toxin so huge amounts would need to be consumed to be toxic. And, by the way, this poison builds up the system – it can be toxic in one large dose – or with repeated consumption of small amounts.)
2. Chocolate (Chocolate contains Theobromine, a compound that is a cardiac stimulant and a diuretic. This can be fatal to dogs.)
3. Grapes (Grapes are dangerous because of an unknown substance which is toxic to dogs – affects canine’s kidneys)
4. Raisins (See above.)
5. Most Fruit Pits and Seeds (Contain Cyanogenic Glycosides resulting in cyanide poisoning – though the fruit itself is OK.)
6. Macadamia Nuts (Macadamia nuts contain an unknown substance that is toxic to dogs.)
7. Bones (Most bones should *not* be given (especially chicken bones) because they can splinter and cause laceration of the digestive system and/or become lodged in your pet’s throat – so they also pose a choking hazard.)
8. Potato Peelings and Green Potatoes (Contain Oxalates, which can affect the digestive, nervous, and urinary systems.)
9. Rhubarb leaves (See above.)
10. Broccoli (Broccoli is only toxic in large quantities.)
11. Green parts of Tomatoes or Green Potatoes (Contain oxalates, which can affect the digestive, nervous, and urinary systems.)
12. Yeast Dough (Yeast Dough can produce gas and swell in your pet’s stomach – leading to rupture of the digestive system)
13. Coffee, Coffee Grounds, Tea, Soft Drinks (Coffee, tea, & most soft drinks are dangerous due to the caffeine.)
14. Beer/Wine/Alcohol of any kind (Alcohol of any kind could lead to coma or even death.)
15. Human Vitamins (Human vitamins, especially those containing iron, can cause damage to the lining of the digestive system as well as cause kidney and liver damage)
16. Moldy or Spoiled Food (I think this goes without saying.)
17. Persimmons (Persimmons can cause intestinal blockage)
18. Raw Eggs and Raw Fish (Raw eggs and some raw fish can cause Salmonella poisoning.)
19. Salt, Baking Soda, Baking Powder (In large amounts these can cause an electrolyte imbalance – and severe electrolyte imbalances can lead to muscle spasm or even congestive heart failure.)
20. Mushrooms (Mushrooms may contain toxins which could cause liver and kidney damage)
21. Sugar-Free Foods (Sugar-free foods containing Xylitol have been found to cause liver failure in some dogs.)
22. Nutmeg (Nutmeg can cause tremors, seizures, and central nervous system damage.)
23. Excessive Fatty Foods (Excess fatty foods can cause Pancreatitis.)
24. Avocado (All parts of the avocado and avocado tree are toxic to dogs.)
25. Diary Products (Dairy products don’t usually pose a great danger; but many dairy product have high fat content (see number 23) – and many pets are lactose intolerant – some pets more than others. Lactose intolerance leads to gas and diarrhea; though small amounts of yogurt and cheese are usually fairly well tolerated.)

Keep these 25 toxic foods in mind when cooking for your dog. There may be other foods that your dog can not consume; so always ask your vet when you are unsure about anything concerning your pets.

For people who think people choose to be gay...

2010-10-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

S'Mores Martinis

2010-10-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

I just happened to find this HERE by accident while looking for instructions on how to make a wine wreath...I've been saving all my corks for just that reason. I may also make a corkboard with them. This drink recipe sounds good, and who knows? Maybe I'll have a camping-themed party and serve them.

INGREDIENTS:

Things You'll Need:
32 oz. vanilla vodka
16 oz. white chocolate liqueur
64-oz. pitcher
1 graham cracker
Plastic bag
Small bowl
1 jar marshmallow creme
Martini glasses
Bartending badges
Skewers
1 bag miniature marshmallows

1
Pour the vodka and white chocolate liqueur into the pitcher and stir. Refrigerate several hours until the mixture is cold.

2
Crush the graham cracker in a plastic bag, then pour the crumbs into a small bowl.

3
Rub marshmallow creme around the rims of the martini glasses to lightly coat.

4
Dip each glass into the bowl of graham cracker crumbs until the marshmallow creme is covered with crumbs.

5
Pour about 3 oz. of the drink mixture into each of the prepared glasses and serve.

6
Print "bartending badges" styled like scout achievement badges and tie them to the stem of each cocktail glass.

7
For extra credit, set up a marshmallow roasting station near the fireplace and invite guests to roast them and slide into their cocktail for garnish.

Read more: How to Make a Pitcher of S'More Martinis | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4758311_pitcher-of-smore-martinis.html#ixzz12a4gmD7t

I Spit on Your Grave

2010-10-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

Here's a lovely film I'm not sure I have the balls to watch! Here is a review/explanation from The New York Times. Click here for the article I copied and pasted.

A title like “I Spit on Your Grave” has a lot to live up to, even had it not belonged to one of the classics of exploitation cinema: Meir Zarchi’s sickening — and visually horrendous — 1978 rampage, originally titled “Day of the Woman.” Mr. Zarchi returns as an executive producer for Steven R. Monroe’s remake, which may be one reason that Stuart Morse’s screenplay takes few liberties with the story. Those he does take, however, are a significant improvement.

Once again we meet Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler), a comely young writer renting a lonely cabin in the Louisiana backwoods. When a gang of hairy-palmed locals — including a slowwitted plumber (Chad Lindberg) and a twisted sheriff (Andrew Howard) — interrupt her first draft to indulge in an evening of rape and terrorization, Jennifer is uncowed. Faking her death, she returns to punish her attackers by ingeniously repurposing their recreational tools, including fish hooks, bear traps and garden shears. All of them are rusty.

Despite rumors of paramedics’ being rushed to a screening at the Fantasia Film Festival in Montreal, this new movie is actually less exploitative than the original. (For one thing, the heroine no longer seduces her victims before offing them.) The mayhem is less eroticized, the performances more authentic and the first film’s sandblasted vérité look has been replaced by Neil Lisk’s swampy-slick photography.

Female-empowerment fantasy or just plain prurience, “Grave” is extremely efficient grindhouse. If there is any message here at all, it’s don’t mess with a novelist: being creative is her job.

Two trailers for the remake:

Trailer for the original:

Pirate Cat Radio needs help

2010-10-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

As you probably know, I cohost a great show on Pirate Cat radio, Ben Feldman Presents Ben Feldman's the Ben Feldman Show With Candy Churilla & Microphones. One year ago, Pirate Cat Radio 87.9fm was fined $10,000 by the FCC for broadcasting without at license from the FCC. Since then, Pirate Cat Radio has left an empty spot on our radio dials leaving the inter-webs as the only place Pirate Cat Radio could be heard.

KPDO 89.3fm in Pescadero took some Pirate Cat shows and re-broadcasted them. With Pirate Cat Radio's help, KPDO has become voice for the residents of the Pescadero area. But this again leaves Pirate Cat Radio short of a permanent home on the radio dial.

San Francisco needs Pirate Cat Radio back on the air, to help the voices of thousands of others to be heard and this needs to be done legally.

Impossible? There is a way!

The founder of Pirate Cat Radio has found a license for a full power legal radio station, that Pirate Cat Radio can use.

The only obstacle: $60,000.00

That's where you come in!

What makes Pirate Cat Radio so special?

Do you really need more reasons beside Ben and me?

Okay, one of our comic friend's Howard Stone's show This Is the Week That Is, Thursday morning's Pretty Good, Not Much

and as Anthony Bourdain discovered...
Maple Bacon Lattes

PIRATE CAT RADIO IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION

Thugs

2010-10-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

One of my fellow comedians Kevin Avery is raising funds for "Thugs, The Musical" - A Short Film on Kickstarter! He says "Don't keep it real...Keep it realistic!" For more info and to back this project, click HERE.

My friend's new company...

2010-10-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

Big Mama Ray's Natural Hand Made Soap

My friend Big Mama Ray is selling her wares at bigmamasoap.com and I could not be happier for her! You see, we go way back. I knew her when she was just Little Mama Ray. So check out her site and take a look around. About her products:

Our natural handmade goats milk soap is made with pure vegetable oils like olive, almond, and jojoba to create tons of moisturizing lather that softens and soothes even the most sensitive skin. Essential oils, herbs, grains, and exotic butters are some of the additional ingredients we use to create our unique soap. We only use natural ingredients in our soap and our product is free of harmful sulfates and chemicals. In addition to being good for you and the environment, our soap also looks and smells delicious.

It's never too early to stop your Christmas shopping and if you have someone on your list who appreciates fine eco-friendly, all natural bath products, treat them to items like the coconut lime giant loofah soap or the shea butter flower soap.

October shows

2010-10-11T14:23:00.000-07:00

I have some great news...well, great news for ME! Tomorrow night I will perform at the world-famous San Francisco Punch Line Comedy Club as part of the "American Me" show. Presented by J Ray Nation and Standup Guy Productions, "American Me Comedy" is a collaboration of the best up and coming Bay Area comedians from all walks of life sharing their unique perspectives of life in America. Johnny Ray (MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour) headlines and Jason Rogers (Rooster T Feathers Comedy Competition Finalist) hosts. Featured on the bill: Allen Mathis (Bay Area Favorite), Me, Jason Armenio (3rd Place 2010 Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition), Tyler Warner (Comedy Store), Dave Salisbury (Bay Area Favorite).

Show is Tue, October 12 @ 8:00 PM 444 Battery Street, San Francisco.
Tickets: $15 ($5.05 surcharge applies)
http://www.livenation.com/American-Me-Comedy-tickets/artist/1497169
NOTE: TO AVOID THE $5.05 SURCHARGE, PURCHASE TICKETS AT THE BOX OFFICE PRIOR TO OR THE NIGHT OF THE SHOW.

Also coming up...

Toolbox at Club 93 Thu, October 14 @ 11:00 PM 9th Street, San Francisco. A fabulous night of comedy, drag, burlesque and music!

The Layover Tue, October 19 @ 8:30 PM Franklin Street, Oakland, CA

Bazaar Cafe Wed, October 20 @ 7:00 PM California Street, San Francisco

Johnny's Cathouse Fri, October 22 @ 8:00 PM California St, Redding, CA

Backroom Comedy at McNally’s Wed, October 27 @ 8:00 PM College Avenue, Oakland
Every last Wednesday, I present a lineup of the Bay Area's funniest comedians, from newcomers to veterans. The October 27th show features Ben Feldman (Pirate Cat Radio), Lilibeth Helson (Five Funny Females), Nick Leonard (QComedy), and Jason Rogers (Punchline). This month's headliner is Norm Hazzard, a Bay Area favorite who started performing stand-up comedy in 1976 at clubs and coffee houses in Berkeley, Oakland, and San Francisco. Honing his act in front of everyone from the rich to the homeless gave him a wealth of stage experience and inspired him to improvise at all of his shows. He's opened for local legends such as Larry "Bubbles" Brown, Steven Pearl, and Robin Williams and appeared at Cobb's, Punchline, and the Improv, just to name a few.

I am hosting the last weekend of October at Rooster T Feathers!
Thu, October 28 @ 8:00 PM West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale
Fri, October 29 @ 9:00 PM West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale
Sat, October 30 @ 9:00 PM West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale
Featuring Kevin Camia (Live at Gotham) and headliner Dan St. Paul. Combining a sharp, clean wit with an outstanding talent for creating characters, Dan's show appeals to all audiences...what sets Dan apart is that he doesn't just tell jokes, but rather creates a series of comedic events. Dan has been seen in the Disney movie Flubber as well as on A&E's Caroline's Comedy Hour and Evening at the Improv. Dan also has had numerous appearances on Comedy Central, NBC, ABC and FOX.
Tickets are available at roostertfeathers.com.

And every Tuesday from 8-noon, I cohost "Ben Feldman Presents: Ben Feldman's the Ben Feldman Show With Ben Feldman, Candy Churilla & Microphones." Listen live: piratecatradio.com. Download podcasts benfeldmanshow.com or subscribe on Itunes for free!

Thank you for your support and I hope to see you at an upcoming show!
Candy

***All shows are subject to change without notice. For the most up to date info, check out twitter.com/candychurilla

Jackie Warner, Cher and Christina Aguilera

2010-10-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

I finished Jackie Warner's book This is Why You're Fat and How to Stay Thin Forever, and just by implementing a few of her food tips, I lost 4 pounds in two weeks. If you don't already work out and eat well, you will lose a shit load of weight by following Jackie's program.

Anyway, I hardly ever go to the movies, because I get too busy and I would rather relax at home when I'm not working than freeze my ass off in a movie theater, but I might make an effort to see Cher and Christina Aguilera in Burlesque. It's either gonna be really good or really bad. It's up to Christina and her acting coach.

Courtney Love’s Psychedelic Fashion Journey: The Movie

2010-10-01T00:29:00.000-07:00

Here's some good clean fun from my favorite rock star, Ms. Courtney Love:

Courtney Love’s Psychedelic Fashion Journey: The Movie

11:30 am Thursday Sep 30, 2010 by Judy Berman
Here’s a little something wonderful: Courtney Love commissioned wacky animator Michael Mouris to make a film documenting her style evolution. It begins with Karl Lagerfeld, that paragon of sanity, staging a fashion intervention: “You’re drowning in the kook… Your lungs are filling with chiffon and lace and all that glitter, bead nonsense. You must come up for air before you die.” Later, Love wonders (and yes, in her world, this is a joke), “Why can’t I be dignified like Chris Martin from Coldplay?”

André Leon Talley, Love’s band mates, a “caramel” Birkin bag, a handful of Hole songs, a bowl of ramen, a “skinny little bitch” scarfing cake, and Michael Stipe (shouting some of his own “Losing My Religion” lyrics) all make appearances. It’s certainly goofy, but it’s also fun. Just watch it.

What I'm Reading Now...

2010-09-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

I love love love memoirs! Especially anything by a comedian or rock star--basically anyone with a dark side. I just finished Charlie's Murphy's The Making of a Stand-up Guy, which wasn't super-dark, but definitely interesting and useful to me as a comic. I usually have a few different books going at the same time, two or three of different genres, because I can't wait to finish one before I start another.

I just started reading Steven Adler's My Appetite for Destruction: Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N' Roses, which promises to be a lot more juicy than Murphy's story. I loved Steven on Celebrity Rehab and Sober House and he is such an awesome guest on the Howard Stern Show. He and Chip Z'nuff really need their own reality show, because those two are hilarious together!

I'm also reading books by two of my favorite reality tv stars who work in fields I'm very interested in...I mean, really interested, like if I quit comedy, I'm going to be a personal trainer or dog trainer. I love working out and learning about fitness and nutrition, so when I saw that Jackie Warner wrote This Is Why You're Fat (And How to Get Thin Forever): Eat More, Cheat More, Lose More--and Keep the Weight Off , I had to order a copy. There is so much useful information that I didn't know, I am loving it and I recommend to book to everyone. Her new show, Thintervention, chronicles Jackie doing what she does best – kicking ass and inspiring drastic lifestyle changes for her overweight clients. Some of the clients are so infuriatingly stubborn I frequently yell at the tv. (They can't hear me.)

Of course, Amazon.com offers free shipping when you spend a certain amount so I also ordered Victoria Stilwell's It's Me Or The Dog, because I also love her show of the same name. I rescued my dog over a year ago from a home with about 7 other dogs, so she has some problems that IMOTD has provided me techniques and tips to help her become a more well-adjusted pet.

I'm not even half way finished with these books and I am loving them!

More window shopping

2010-09-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

I need some sexy new dresses for when I perform at gay venues. My gays have seen my whole wardrobe and they're bored with it. ;) From venus.com:

The Funniest New Show on TV

2010-09-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

The funniest new reality show is "Scrappers." Check out Spike tv, Tuesday nights at 10pm for a team of scrap metal collectors with a ton of personality. If you like the Jerky Boys, you'll love "Scrappers." Click here for a view of the first episode.

A gem from the 80s

2010-08-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

I've always loved this song, but I'd never seen the video til now. Wow! So 80s!

Another tv recommendation

2010-08-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

I watched the first episode and loved it! I'm looking forward to the next episode and I just hope they are all this good.

Synopsis: Cathy has always been conservative and structured – the perfect suburban wife and mother. Receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis becomes not only a challenge, but a catalyst for change. Cathy is tired of being “the sensible one” — now she wants to let her freak flag fly. For the first time in her life, she is going to make choices that suit her needs. Who says you can't eat dessert as an appetizer? Time is precious, and Cathy is grabbing life by the balls...

Watch the trailer:

Yay! Sons of Anarchy returns!

2010-08-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

Antoine Dodson

2010-08-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

I love him! I hope he can get on a reality show or something like that to parlay his popularity into career.

My kick-ass Blueberry Oatmeal Pancakes with Blueberry Sauce

2010-08-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I got the basic recipe from Fitness Magazine. The original recipe called for some unhealthy ingredients, so I left out a few things and added some things and made it my own.

I started with a pint of fresh, organic blueberries from the farmer's market.

Put half of the blueberries, a teaspoon of water in a small sauce pan and heat on high heat. When it bubbles, turn down to simmer. Add cinnamon to taste. Let it simmer while making the pancakes.

Mix dry ingredients in a food processor (a blender works fine) until oats are finely ground.

2 cups old-fashioned oats
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 scoop of Trader Joe's Vanilla Soy Protein powder

Heat pan over medium heat and spray cooking spray.

Transfer to bowl and stir in:
small container of blueberry yogurt (I like Trader Joe's Greek Style, any berry-flavored soy yogurt or regular blueberry yogurt works great, too)
2/3 cup apple juice (Trader Joe's 100% pure apple juice is awesome!)
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
as many of the leftover blueberries you want

Drop batter by 1/8 cupfula onto griddle and cook for 2-4 mins. Flip, cook other side.

Throw some blueberry sauce on your pancakes and eat that shit up!

Food that cleanse the liver

2010-08-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

Best part of this article--this picture.

I previewed Jackie Warner's new book This Is Why You're Fat (And How to Get Thin Forever): Eat More, Cheat More, Lose More--and Keep the Weight Off on Amazon. Jackie writes that keeping your liver clean helps you burn fat. Of course, the most important information was not included in the preview, like what to eat/drink to cleanse your liver, so I Googled it myself in the meantime. It's all pretty much common sense--eat fruits and veggies, but I love to learn about what foods have which specific nutrients.

This article is from http://www.colonzone.org/foods-that-cleanse-liver.php. I love that. I want a colonzone.org T-shirt.

The foods that we eat and how we take care of ourselves greatly affects how our liver works. It is important to choose foods that will help keep your liver healthy. Good nutrition can also help to rebuild the liver and damaged liver cells. It can also help the liver form new cells.

There are many different foods that can help out the liver to keep it healthy as well as to help rebuild it if it is damaged. The foods listed below are used to help to detoxify and to rebuild the liver.

Carrots contain beta carotene and and carotenoids which help to protect the liver. Antioxidants help limit the damage to the liver caused by toxins. There are many different antioxidants. Brown rice provides the antioxidant, selenium, and also B vitamins.

Beets contain antioxidants such as beta carotene, healing flavonoids, and other carotenes. Beets also contain folic acid. Brocolli contains B and C vitamins and is a good source of folic acid as well. Broccoli also contains natural sulfur compounds needed for detoxification.

Garlic contains selenium and glutathione which act as antioxidants. It also contains methionine. Eggs give B vitamins also contains a sulfur containing compound called methionine. Spinach provides folic acid as well as other B vitamins.

Tomatoes contain vitamins C and E and are a good source of the antioxidant lycopene. Wheatgerm is an excellent source of phytochemicals and contains selenium and vitamin E. Melons and peppers are a good way of getting Vitamin C.

Brazil nuts contain selenium. Onions have sulfur compounds which are important in detoxification. Asparagus and watermelon contain high amounts of glutathione which is extremely important in liver toxification. Papaya and avocado also help the body to produce glutathione.

There are also foods that you can eat that will just help to keep the liver healthy. These foods include soy beans. Soy beans contain lecithin. Lecithin helps the liver to break down fats and helps the body to reduce high cholesterol levels.

It also helps to maintain healthy membranes around the cells of the liver. Cayenne pepper contains phytochemicals that include beta carotene and lutein. It is also high in certain B vitamins and Vitamins C and E. It also helps to aid in the process of digesting food.

Lemon is helpful in general cleansing of the body. Walnuts are a good source of arginine. Arginine helps the liver to detoxify ammonia. It is also a high scoure of glutathione and omega 3 fatty acids. Caraway seeds have flavanoids and carotenoids that act as antioxidants. It also helps if a person has liveror gallbladder disease.

when choosing a diet that is good for helping the liver it is important to think of fresh fruits and vegetables. You will want to eat plenty of dark green, leafy vegetables and colored fruits.

These foods contain enzymes, fiber, vitamins, antibiotic substances, and nutrients to help stop cancer. You will also want to eat foods that help to produce glutathione in the body as mentioned above.

Drinking green tea contains properties that help to boost the immune system which in return helps the liver.

Lastly in maintaining a good diet to help the liver, water is always important. You should drink between 6-12 cups per day.

Water helps to get rid of the toxins that the liver has broken down.

Making the foods listed above as part of your diet will greatly help your liver as well as your whole body, to make you feel and keep you feeling healthy.

window shopping

2010-08-19T21:33:00.001-07:00

I'm not a big shopper, because I don't like to waste money on stupid shit, but I love to window shop online. Here are some things I liked on victoriassecret.com:

Let it breathe

2010-08-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

I always tell my man to let my wine breathe before he serves it to me. Guess what? He asked me how long it should breathe, and realized I had no idea how long it was supposed to breathe until I actually Googled it. So fellow wine lovers, learn with me:

Tips for Letting Your Wine Breathe
Aerating Your Wine
By Stacy Slinkard, About.com Guide

The whole concept of letting wine breathe, or aerate, is simply maximizing your wine's exposure to the surrounding air. By allowing wine to mix and mingle with air, the wine will typically warm up and the wine's aromas will open up, the flavor profile will soften and mellow out a bit and the overall flavor characteristics should improve.

Which Wines Need to Breathe

Typically red wines are the ones to benefit most from breathing before serving. However, there are select whites that will also improve with a little air exposure. In general, most wines will improve with as little as 15-20 minutes of air time. However, if the wine is young with high tannin levels, it will need more time to aerate before enjoying. For example, a young Cabernet Sauvignon will likely require around an hour for proper aeration and flavor softening to take place. Not that you cannot drink it as soon as it is uncorked, but to put its best foot forward give it more time to breathe. Mature wines (8+ years) are another story all together. These wines will benefit most from decanting and then will only have a small window of aeration opportunity before the flavor profiles begin to deteriorate.

How to Let Your Wine Breathe

Some erroneously believe that merely uncorking a bottle of wine and allowing it to sit for a bit is all it takes to aerate. This method is futile, as there is simply not enough room (read: surface area) at the top of the bottle to permit adequate amounts of air to make contact with the wine. So what's a Wine Lover to do? You have two options: Decanter or Wine Glass

Decanter - use a decanter,a flower vase, an orange juice pitcher, whatever - any large liquid container with a wide opening at the top to pour your bottle of wine into. The increased surface area is the key to allowing more air to make contact with your wine. Keep this in mind while setting up proper "breathing" techniques for your favorite wine.

Compare prices on Decanters

The Wine Glass - Pour your wine into wine glasses and let it aerate in situ. This is certainly the low-maintenance method and typically works quite well. Just be sure to keep the glass away from the kitchen commotion, while it breathes in peace. * Tip, for pouring wine into glasses make sure that you pour into the center of the glass with a good 6-10 inches of "fall" from bottle to glass to allow for further aeration during the actual pour.

Compare prices on Stemware

In general, the Aeration Rule of Thumb: the more tannins a wine has the more time it will need to aerate. Lighter-bodied red wines (Pinot Noir for example) that have lower tannin levels, will need little if any time to breathe.

come here girl!

2010-08-12T12:52:00.000-07:00

Me trying to show off my training skills...

Tracy Anderson

2010-08-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

I find this fascinating. I can't help myself. I still haven't tried any Tracy Anderson workout, but I learned that she and Madonna split (way after the fact). Here's an article I found on mailonline. Click here. I may have to break down and actually buy one of her dvds.

Madonna splits from personal trainer Tracy Anderson after three years of tough workouts
By EMILY SHERIDAN
13th October 2009

The decision to split comes shortly after the executive director of Madonna's Raising Malawi charity handed in his notice after falling in love with Tracy. A source told the New York Post: 'Madonna had grown tired of the baggage that Tracy always seemed to be carrying with her. Tracy had grown to be more of a distraction than anything else.' When Madonna was asked if she had 'dropped' Tracy by DJ Ryan Seacrest on his radio show last week, the singer laughed in response. The 35-year-old superfit trainer denied she had been fired, insisting she wanted to spend more time with her 11-year-old son Sam.

She told the Post: 'This is not true. After working together for three years, Tracy and Madonna mutually parted ways because Tracy wanted to look after her son.' When Raising Malawi executive director Phillippe Van Den Bossche quit his LA-based post to move to New York with Tracy last month, Madonna was said to be 'disappointed'.

Phillippe and Tracy fell for each other early this year after they accompanied Madonna on a trip to Malawi for her controversial adoption of Mercy James. Speaking of his resignation, Phillippe said: 'She was disappointed, as it is hard to find the right people to run the projects you deeply care about. But Madonna is a great friend, and she's happy for Tracy and me... was a hard decision to resign my position at Raising Malawi, but I feel it's time to concentrate on my relationship and my future, now that I've found the right person.'

Madonna was further disappointed when Tracy delayed joining the singer on the European leg of her Sticky & Sweet tour so she could spend more time with Phillippe.

Tracy was introduced to Madonna three years ago by Gwyneth Paltrow, who had met in the trainer's Los Angeles studio.
Madonna soon became a convert of Tracy's two hour, six days a week workouts and creditted her with putting her body 'back together' after her riding accident in 2005. Earlier this year, Madonna gushed: 'Tracy Anderson is my saviour. After two Caesareans, three hernia operations and one riding accident that left me with 10 broken bones, she was the only one who could pull my body back together into one piece.'

Madonna's sculpted body proved the perfect business card for Tracy, who opened a second gym in New York with Gwyneth earlier this year and released fitness DVD Tracy Anderson Method last year.
S
peaking of her fitness programme with the pop star, Tracy said: 'We train for two hours six days a week. We do 45 minutes of dance aerobics, followed by work on muscle tone, flexibility and definition.

'There's no running and no weights bigger than three pounds, because Madonna doesn't want to bulk up.
'Madonna's body is perfect. She has no fat, no cellulite, she is so toned, and her arms are amazing.'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1219805/Madonna-splits-personal-trainer-Tracy-Anderson-years-tough-workouts.html#ixzz0wMoIiC5v

Cindy's Foods for Flat Abs

2010-08-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

Cindy from Exercise TV:

It never ceases to amaze me how little some people know...watching my friends drink soda is like watching them smoke. The only thing I have to work on is saving the alcohol for the weekend. :) It's gotten much harder to do since I don't have a day job, and I've noticed that all my comedian friends who've gotten laid off from their day jobs drink a lot more, too. Since I got a dog, I spend less time in the gym, since I don't like being away from her. If I walk her in my neighborhood, I don't get a great workout, since it's pretty flat. So I now drive about five minutes away to a really hilly neighborhood and I love it! I get my heart rate up to the fat burning zone, and my calves and butt burn like when I started working out.

After I moved to the Bay Area from North Carolina, I quickly gained 30 pounds without even realizing it! I didn't have a scale at the time, so I weighed myself at my parents' and damn near shit my clothes when I realized how much I gained! Writing down what I ate made a HUGE difference, and if you need to lose weight, I highly recommend you do it. One great way I found to keep track is the calorie counter on Sparkpeople.com. They have a free Blackberry app I used to use...I'm not sure what other apps they have.

New video--me on KOFY tv's "Creepy Movie"

2010-08-05T20:36:00.001-07:00

Yay! New Amy Sedaris book coming out!

2010-08-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't been keeping up with Amy's career lately, so I was pleasantly surprised to this by accident on Amazon.com.

New BaitandSwitchTV.com video I'm in

2010-08-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

Bait and Switch TV: Investigative Satire | Independent media | New Internet TV Channel - Comedians

They're raping everybody

2010-08-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

Check out this news story, then the remix...

Awesome female comedy show this Saturday night

2010-08-02T11:40:00.001-07:00

NYC Friars Club Roaster Susan Alexander hosts 5 Funny Females Festival, http://www.5funnyfemales.com/, brings together a VARIETY of female stand-up comedians from NYC, Boston, SF, Comedy Central and ABC to San Francisco 's legendary Purple Onion.

Please reserve your seats by emailing reservations@5funnyfemales.com with date/time/number of people. Below is the line-up for my show:

SATURDAY, AUGUST 7TH

10 PM
Susan Alexander - Host of 5 Funny Females, NYC Friars Club Roaster
Lilibeth Helson – RooftopComedy
Melanie O’Brien – SugaNasty Comedy Show
Candy Churilla – NBC’s Last Comic Standing
Mary Van Note - IFC
Chantal Carrere – ABC, heretv, Curve's Funniest Top 10 Lesbian in America

Trailers for Season 5 of Dexter

2010-07-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

I can't wait-- I love this show!!!

New (to me anyway) fitness guru to check out

2010-07-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

I thought this was interesting, since I'm big into fitness. Madonna's ripped body back in the Blonde Ambition tour days inspired me to start working out. This article is a couple years old, but it's new to me and I'm looking forward to checking out Tracy Anderson's methods.

Madonna's secret weapon: The fitness guru who's given the 50-year-old singer the body of a 25-year-old
By ASHLEY PEARSON
Last updated at 12:35 08 April 2008

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-542948/Madonnas-secret-weapon-The-fitness-guru-whos-given-50-year-old-singer-body-25-year-old.html#ixzz0v11HGlNO

She's nearly 50 but has the body of a 25-year-old. How does she do it? Lifestyle spoke exclusively to Madonna's fitness guru to find out...Love her or loathe her, you have to admit that Madonna looks incredible. Set to turn 50 this year, the striking blonde could be a woman half her age. Whether posing provocatively in a T-shirt with Justin Timberlake or slumped against the ropes kitted out in boxing gear, she looks ready for action.

Her arms are toned and sinewy, her stomach harder than concrete and it is impossible to spot anything that looks as if it might ever wobble. As the first single off her new album, Hard Candy, comes out this week, people are asking: how does she do it?
The paparazzi photos tell part of the story. As a lithe and lean Madonna is pictured making her way out of yet another gruelling work-out session, there is an increasingly common fixture at her side.

A petite and pretty blonde is regularly spotted walking silently behind the Material Mum in London, New York and Los Angeles. She is fitness revolutionary Tracy Anderson and she is quickly becoming the secret slimming weapon of the A-list. It was Madonna's friend Gwyneth Paltrow who found her first. After giving birth to baby Moses in 2006, the health-conscious actress was confronted with a weight gain of more than 21/2st. Following a strict diet, the star managed to shift half of it within several weeks, but that last stone proved to be impossible; and for months she resorted to wearing two Spanx girdles at a time.

With the start date for her latest film, Iron Man, fast approaching, Gwyneth made a last-ditch attempt to get her body into shape, and called on Tracy. It worked. The actress noticed results immediately and now appears, even after two children, to have the best body she's ever had.

As for what it's like to train with Madonna, the Celebrity Queen of Fitness, whom she has been working with six days a week for the past year, Tracy will say only: "It comes down to whether or not you are a hard worker and someone who puts in 100 per cent. I prefer to train with the dedicated and these women aren't afraid to work."

She is less a trainer than an inventor; in fact, Tracy doesn't believe in the old-fashioned work-out at the gym: "Through years of research and practice, what I have developed is a method that goes against a lot of what's being taught today in gyms."
She laughs: "In fact, you put me in a gym and it's a nightmare; it's certainly not where I want to be. I've tested all those machines - they made me bulky and were hard on my joints."

Today's trainers are taught to work the large muscle groups, with exercises such as biceps curls or hamstring presses.
"Those things are the enemies of what I'm trying to achieve," Tracy says, adding that if you work out at the gym using the traditional weight machines, "you'll get tighter and toned but you're not going to go down a size. I'm doing something totally different."

Looking at Tracy now, it's hard to believe that she ever felt fat. But she did. At one time the 5ft blonde packed an extra 2st on her tiny frame - even as a dancer!

She grew up believing she was genetically doomed to a lifetime of fat. "When I decided to do this research it came from a very emotional place for me. My dad is obese," she admits.

"As a young dancer, at 20 years old, I gained 21/2st. And later, I packed on 4st when I was pregnant with my son."
And as hard as she tried to lose weight, nothing seemed to work. Inspired by the dancers she saw every day, she began to experiment and create her own work-out methods, leading to a transformation of her own body. Achieving a thin, healthy body was so lifechanging that she decided to help others. "What it boils down to is, I love food," she says. "That's why it was so important to me to have a work-out that allows me to eat and still look good."

And it's not just for Hollywood's A-list. "My approach is not limited to an elite group of people," says Tracy. "This is for everyone. I'm trying to be a voice that's out there saying: 'Hey, there's a new way to do this'. "I set out to see if I could take any woman from any genetic background and give her a dancer's body. And guess what? It's definitive - it can be done."

TRACY'S PRINCIPLES
Variety: According to Tracy, a lot of what's wrong with your work-out is repetition. "Any time you are doing the same movement over and over you are building and bulking your muscles," she says. "It is very important to change your rotations and hit your muscles from different angles." With celebrity clients such as Madonna and Gwyneth, Tracy says, "I constantly have to invent new things and new systems for each and every work-out. "I'm making up new ways to keep them motivated and the results constant. You have to really look at what is going to happen to your body as a result of the work-out you are doing."

With clients, Tracy uses a custom made Hybrid Body Reformer machine she has designed. But whereas the traditional Pilates reformer machine is designed to hit the muscles from one angle, Tracy's can get at muscles from multiple points. This allows her to create more than 40 new moves a month.

How to start: If you are on your own at the gym, here's Tracy's advice. First make sure you have 30 minutes of your favourite songs on your iPod.

Then find yourself a treadmill. Sprint for one song, skip for one song, and gallop for one song. Work up to a 30-minute work-out. Then move on to toning. Start with 10 repetitions and work up to 100 - these should be done every day. If in any doubt about your health, always check with a doctor.

TONING EXERCISES
Arm Raise: Using 3lb weights, stand with feet shoulder-width apart. Slowly move arms together straight up into a V above your head. Elbows and wrists are bent slightly. Then gently lower your arms back down to your sides and without pausing go straight back up again. Work up to 100 reps.

Single arm overhead pulse: Using 3lb weights, stand with feet shoulder-width apart, arms at your sides. Raise one arm above your head with your elbow slightly bent and then straighten your arm completely over your head. Pulse like that, up and down. Work up to 100 reps on one side and then the other.

Ballet Grand Plies: Stand with heels together, toes slightly apart. With a straight back, bend at the knee as low as you can, then go back up again. Work up to 100 reps.

Abdominal Crunches: Lie on the floor with arms at your side, your legs in front of you. Raise yourself slightly until you feel a "crunch" in your abs and then lie back down. The key here is to do it with your legs straight out in front of you, as that will really work your stomach without bulking it up. Work up to 100 reps.

Piking: Lie flat on the floor, arms at your sides. Lift straight legs up to ceiling to 90 degrees and then gently lower. Without pausing, lift them back up again. Your upper body should remain flat on the ground. Both arms and legs should be straight with your toes pointed. Work up to 100 reps.

Advanced Piking: Lie on the floor, legs straight out in front of you with your arms on the floor stretched out over your head. Hold onto a 3lb weight and bring your hands up to meet your legs when you raise them to a 90-degree angle and lower your arms and legs back down to the floor at the same time. Both arms and legs should be straight with your toes pointed. Work up to 100 reps.

DANCE + TONING - THE WINNING COMBINATION
Tracy advocates a combination of toning with a high intensity cardio work-out. In addition to her toning and stretching exercises, Tracy also uses a cardio dance aerobics programme she created to help clients lose fat. And it works. Many clients lose 9in in the first ten sessions!

Start with: Tracy recommends supplementing toning exercises like the ones above with intense cardio work-outs - it's this combination that will get you the results you want to achieve.

If you have access to a gym, you can alternate a resistance class with an intense dance cardio work-out. Tracy also suggests taking a ballet bar class, but doing it with 2lb weights on your ankles.

As for the cardio Tracy says: "You can go out on the street and alternate sprinting, skipping and galloping - the important thing is that you mix it up and are not just running all the time."

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ACCESSORIES
Tracy believes in building "in" instead of "out." "Instead of over-using the major muscle groups, I focus on the smaller muscles around them," she says. "When the accessory muscles are properly developed, they pull in the larger muscles, creating a smaller body structure. In this way you can reshape your body."

She adds that if you want to work your accessory muscles, "don't go the gym and do tons of leg presses. Better to stay home and do 100 plies or something that's not going to bulk you up."

Start with: Ask a personal trainer to help you design a work-out to move away from the large muscle groups and steer clear of heavy weights and traditional moves.

If you don't have access to a trainer you can do toning exercises and cardio at home, but remember these key points:
NEVER lift anything heavier than 3lb.
ALWAYS do abdominal crunches and leg lifts with straight legs out in front of you.
MAKE sure you include both cardio and toning in each and every work-out.
And accessories love change! When you are lifting weights, you need to get creative, moving them in different ways. This will wake up your accessory muscles and keep them working. For example, holding weights, lift your arms out to your side and then raise them up to your head and then immediately bring them back down to your side.

When while your arms are out at your side, do arm circles and then bring them in as if you're scratching under your arms. If you change rotations all the time you will keep your muscles lean.

HEAT
"Dancers have been working out in warm rooms for a long time. Typically because they didn't have funding for air conditioning! But it actually makes a difference," says Tracy.

"As a dancer I would notice that when you were sweating in a hot room, it really did increase performance.
"I have worked with doctors and discovered that there is science behind it. It keeps your muscles more flexible.
However, Tracy is not a fan of Bikram yoga, where practitioners turn the heat up to as high as 40C. "Bikram yoga, now that's too hot," she says. "I think if you work out at those temperatures it will actually decrease your performance because you get tired or even dizzy."

Start with: "I like a room to be 80F (26C) but that might be too warm to start out with for everybody. Just work your way up."

MOVE EVERY DAY
Madonna spends at least two hours every day working-out and Gwyneth Paltrow has her own personal Pilates machine at each of her several homes. Not everyone has this kind of time and money. But you can move every day.

Tracy says: "I'm a big believer in six days a week. You should work up to 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of toning each time. If you don't work out, your skin tone is going to be lousy and you will gain weight.

"Because people can cover up not exercising a lot easier than they can not brushing their teeth, for example, they think they can get away with it, but in reality you're not getting away with anything."

AND FINALLY...
Stop making excuses - just do it.

? If you want to work out like Madonna, you can. Tracy's Dance Aerobics DVD is available at www.tracyandersonmethod.com. She says: "Cardio work-outs are essential in fitness. You have to lose some fat. My DVD is dance aerobics cardio, and it won't bulk you out at all. It is the cardio workout I use with clients."

I'm a fan of Sex And The City too, but

2010-07-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

this is ri-goddamn-diculous!!

This article is available on a few different blogs, but I chose this one because it has a picture. :)

Christina Saunders & 1000 lovers: Christina Saunders updates
By Therese Lisieux on July 20th, 2010

Christina Saunders slept with 1000 men because she wanted to emulate Samantha Jones, a character in the TV show, “Sex and the City”.

Saunders took 10 years to sleep with one thousand different men.

Saunders said she was impressed with Samantha and after she emulated her style, she became addicted to one night stands. Saunders usually met and slept with at least one new man each week. Sometimes, Saunders engaged in threesomes and slept with two men at each session.

After 10 years of lusting after the sex, Saunders said she wants a man to love her for her personality and not her body. A decade of pure sex for pleasure and gratification resulted in Saunders sleeping with around one thousand men.

Saunders rated her lovers on a scale of one to ten. She had no shortage of lovers as she trawled bars for men. When Saunders went on vacation, she met men who she bedded. Saunders had an addiction for sex and she fed her obsession.

Saunders claimed she kept count of her men by noting their names and rated their sexual prowess in bed.

One question on everyone’s lips is – how safe was it?

Why "the View" sucks

2010-06-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

These fucking idiots cut off a potential fight between Kathy Griffin and Elizabeth Hasselcunt. I'm sure if they let it go, Kathy would have made the dipshit cry.

Baitandswitchtv.com and upcoming shows!

2010-06-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

Happy June!

Tonight I'm hosting the Rooster T Feathers New Talent Night for the first time! So if you're in the South Bay, come on out and enjoy a night of up and coming comedians! Roosters is located at 157 West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale.

Then, this Friday 06/11 I'm competing in the final round of Bunjo’s Killer Laughs Competition with some really great comics. Get there early--the show starts at 7:30. Bunjo's is located in the Willow Tree Restaurant, 6513 Regional Street, Dublin.

There has been a jump in the number of hits to the new internet TV channel "Bait and Switch TV." Thank you so much to those of you who have visited the site! The new Episode 2 (which I appear in) is catching on! We want everyone to come back, again and again. We need hundreds of thousands clicks/hits at the site to prove to our potential buyers/funders/sponsors/advertisers we have an audience. You can go directly to Ep 2 here: http://baitandswitchtv.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=79&Itemid=67. Not all of my sketches are up yet, but they're coming soon, including "Real Housewives of Tent City." :)

The next month is crucial to building our audience.

* New COMEDY material is going up continuously.

* Live Debate registrations with experts, politicians, authors are open! This is an opportunity for people to ask questions and debate issues directly with policymakers and those with influence. Then we have shows and LIVE DEBATES to get people on both sides of an issue engaged. The LIVE DEBATES for both episode 1 and 2 begin in just a few weeks, and we have confirmed best-selling authors and experts. Register and tell friends please!!!

* Play our online GAMES such as CRAP$HOOT (financial crisis game) or SHOOT THE BULL (meat supply game).

* Bookmark favorite pages and hit them daily.

Coming soon...

06/13/2010 06:00 PM ¤ Mexico Lindo, 11 Race Street, San Jose

06/16/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Luna’s, 1414 16th Street, Sacramento

06/17/2010 10:00 PM ¤ Tool Box Variety Show at Club 93, 93 9th Street, San Francisco

06/19/2010 09:00 PM ¤ Red Caboose--Battle of the Sexes Comedy Contest, 210 Fulton Shipyard Road, Antioch

06/25/2010 07:00 PM ¤ Gay Pride Weekend Show at Club 93. Time TBA, 93 9th Street, San Francisco

06/30/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Backroom Comedy at McNally’s Irish Pub. This month Rachel McDowell headlines. Rachel is relatively new to the Bay Area, but not to comedy. She recently moved to San Francisco from Pittsburgh, PA, where she regularly opened at the Improv. In the short time she's been here, she's already established herself as a favorite, winning the Castagnola's Comedy Competition and slaying audiences everywhere! Also on the bill is Ben Feldman, Dhaya Lakshminarayanan, Mary Strong, and DNA. 5352 College Avenue, Oakland. No cover!

And every Tuesday from 8-noon, I cohost "Ben Feldman Presents: Ben Feldman's the Ben Feldman Show With Ben Feldman, Candy Churilla & Microphones"
Listen live: piratecatradio.com
Download podcasts benfeldmanshow.com or subscribe on Itunes for free!

Thank you for your support and I hope to see you at an upcoming show!
Candy

Eating the poo-poo

2010-06-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't seen this crazy and HILARIOUSLY homophobic video....

Sneak Peek: Bait and Switch TV Announces New Investigative Satire Channel to Spotlight Controversial Issues with Humor

2010-05-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

Here is some information on the internet tv channel I worked on, "Bait and Switch TV." Some great friends of mine--comedians, writers, actors, and I worked hard on this, so if you could give it a look, we would really appreciate it! Thanks for your support and have an excellent weekend!
Candy

PRESS RELEASE
Sneak Peek: Bait and Switch TV Announces New Investigative Satire Channel to Spotlight Controversial Issues with Humor

San Francisco / Bay Area, CA 5/15/10 – Stanion Studio's Bait and Switch TV (www.baitandswitchtv.com) is giving viewers a preview of its anticipated internet TV channel, which highlights their unique “investigative satire” style. This comedic documentary series examines controversies and cultural landscapes with the comedic force of a backhoe, digging much deeper than existing news formats, while keeping viewers laughing. BSTV's upcoming investigative episode on the financial crisis and the “big, bad banking system” follows their pilot show about the unsavory practices of the meat and dairy industries. Over 60 episodes are in the BSTV production pipeline.
…

We're writing to you today because the time has come to jumpstart our global viral marketing campaign. The goal is to demonstrate an audience to our potential buyers, advertisers, and sponsors, and we need your help!

1. IF YOU DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME, PLEASE CONSIDER DOING JUST THIS ONE THING:

· WATCH ONE OF OUR COMEDY SKETCHES such as Shitty Shitty Bank Bank or Dating a Bank or Super Frauds (http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/comedy2.html)…then pass this email along to your circle of friends—the videos are funny, free, relevant, very short, and represent the issues in our shows and debate series!

Every few days we will post more comedy sketches, to be followed by our upcoming Episode2 show in its entirety (about the financial crisis) to be posted May 30th …in addition to our many ongoing live debates!

Please take a look at what we offer and send the site's link to your friends and family! It's very important to us that you pass the link on and then maybe visit the site again in a week? We have Tea Party POVs, leftie views, far right views, world views…FUN!

2. AND IF YOU HAVE JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME:

· Watch the BSTV Documentary Show Segments on the site
http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=66&Itemid=79

· Register for our Live Debates (YOU argue with live experts in real time)—we have scheduled politicians, policymakers, thinkers, authors, celebs –from both sides of every controversy –Invited guests include Alec Baldwin, Chuck Norris, Tea Partiers, Michael Moore, Nicholas Kristof … http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=76&Itemid=65

· Play our funny Online Games -- Financial Crisis Crap$hoot, or try Shoot the Bull
http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/games1.html

· Laugh at more Comedy (http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/comedy1.html), http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/comedy2.html and leave comments!

· Vote on controversial issues, post a debate, and argue with each other in our Heated Debates
http://www.baitandswitchtv.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=129&Itemid=65#debates

· Return to the site to see new content in a few days, and send send send to friends friends friends: www.facebook.com (search “Bait and Switch TV”) and/or www.twitter.com/baitandswitchtv

Do visit the site, starting NOW or anytime this week that is convenient. We very much appreciate your clicks, laughter, eyeballs, live debate registrations, insights, opinions, more clicks, and general feedback.

§ ABOUT OUR LIVE DEBATES:

If you could ask an FDA decisionmaker a single question about cloning, what would you ask?

If you could talk with an economist whose financial theories are currently under consideration by Obama's banking reformers, what would you say?

At BSTV, you can ask your questions and talk directly to experts, celebs, and policymakers in real time about any of the serious issues raised in our shows and comedy sketches. These free Live Debates are about making TV interactive and getting YOU involved in the controversy and debate.

We are scheduling Alec Baldwin, Chuck Norris, Michael Moore, Tea Party organizers, famous authors, economists, investment bankers, meat suppliers, genetic engineering experts, banking risk experts…take a look! If you register for a live debate, we will send you an email reminder so you don’t forget to tune in and ask your questions. We have a debate series scheduled for the Meat Supply issues (CONTROVERSY ON THE GRILL- from Episode 1) and a separate debate series for the financial crisis and the federal reserve system (WHO’S AFRAID OF THE BIG BAD BANK? - from
Episode 2).

www.BaitandSwitchTV.com: Out of the fire, into the frying pan, one controversy at a time.

Questions? Contact BSTV's Associate Producer Hester Schell 1-408-872-1522

Upcoming shows

2010-05-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

05/05/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Rooster T Feathers Comedy Competition Finals --This is the first time I've made it to the Rooster's Finals, so I'm super excited about it!
$15 tix. Unfortunately, there are no freebies for the finals and they DO expect to sell this show out so please make reservations and pre-pay! (408) 736-0921
157 West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale, CA

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I have a three day tour in Reno which benefits Breast Cancer Charities of America and Komen for the Cure...

05/07/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Red Dog Saloon
Virginia City, NV
Cost: 10

05/08/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Jive N Java
1805 West Williams, Fallon, NV
Cost: 10

05/09/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Studio On 4th
432 East 4th Street, Reno, NV
Cost: 10

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05/10/2010 08:00 PM ¤ El Rio
3158 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA
Hosted by Lisa Geduldig

05/12/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Vice Ultra Lounge -- Headlining
1251 Arroyo Way, Walnut Creek, CA

05/14/2010 07:00 PM ¤ Hannah Nicole Vineyards
6700 Balfour Road, Brentwood, CA

05/15/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Red Caboose
210 Fulton Shipyard Road, Antioch, CA
Hosted by Joey Hughes, Sal Calanni Headlines

05/21/2010 07:30 PM ¤ Bunjo’s Quarter Finals Round 4 (Willow Tree Restaurant)
6513 Regional Street, Dublin, CA

05/25/2010 09:00 PM ¤ Harvey’s -- Headlining
500 Castro Street, San Francisco, CA
Cost: No cover Featuring Ronn Vigh

05/26/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Backroom Comedy at McNally’s Irish Pub
5352 College Ave, Oakland, CA
It's the one year anniversary show! I'm bringing back the first line-up: Ben Feldman, Yayne Abeba, Norm Hazzard, Jason Wheeler, and headliner Anthony Hill!

05/27/2010 07:00 PM ¤ Doppellgangers
302 N Carson Street, Carson City, NV

05/29/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Pastime
337 5th Street, Gustine, CA
Dave Nickerson Headlines

05/30/2010 08:00 PM ¤ Laugh Out Loud at White Horse Inn
6551 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland, CA
Cost: 5
Hosted by Vasu Primlani

Hope to see you at an upcoming show!
Candy

Quick joke

2010-04-30T15:45:00.001-07:00

Time for my monthly post!

2010-04-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

I returned to vidsf.com's "Ronn Live" yesterday!

Oh my God, I need to keep up...

2010-04-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

Basically my blog is all about me apologizing for not blogging. Here are some recent Ronn Live episodes I've enjoyed:

I will be on Ronn Live this Thursday!!!

Two great tastes that tastes great together

2010-03-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

Two of my favorite comics/people/friends--Ben Feldman and Ronn Vigh!

Tomorrow's radio show

2010-03-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm super excited about our guests tomorrow. You can listen live at piratecatradio.com from 8am to noon or wait for the podcast on benfeldmanshow.com. This week's guests are not only talented, but they happen to be friends of mine! David Hawkins (aka DJ Dingbat), Dan Karkoska (aka DJ Dank), and drag queen Alexis Von Fierce. They are coming to promote their weekly talent/variety show at Club 93 in SOMA, Toolbox. I performed there a few weeks ago and had a blast. They book a great lineup of local talent, followed by a super cool dance party. They play the songs that make you go, "Oh my God! I forgot about this one!"

For examples.....

The Runaways movie is finally here!

2010-03-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

Finally, a movie I want to go to the theater to see!

The trailer:

A scene where Joan and Cherie meet:

Engagement Chicken

2010-03-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

Howard Stern and his crew are on vacation, so they're playing old episodes. I missed this one when it originally aired, and it cracked me up since I cook almost every night for my boyfriend. Howard raved about a meal Beth cooked for him and a listener totally busted her and told Howard that Glamour published a recipe for "Engagement Chicken," so called because soon after staffers whipped it up, their boyfriends popped the question.

When Glamour reader Laura Wheeler made it for her guy, she topped it off with her self-titled "Hook-Him Apple Pie." Sure enough , he proposed. I haven't made this yet, but I'll let you know what happens!

Engagement Chicken
1 whole chicken (approx. 3 lb.)
2 medium lemons
Fresh lemon juice (1/2 cup)
Kosher or sea salt
Ground black pepper
Place rack in upper third of oven and preheat to 400 degrees. Wash chicken inside and out with cold water, remove the giblets, then let the chicken drain, cavity down, in a colander until it reaches room temp (about 15 minutes). Pat dry with paper towels. Pour lemon juice all over the chicken (inside and outside). Season with salt and pepper. Prick the whole lemons three times with a fork and place deep inside the cavity. (Tip: If lemons are hard, roll on countertop with your palm to get juices flowing.) Place the bird breast-side down on a rack in a roasting pan, lower heat to 350 degrees and bake uncovered for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and turn it breast-side up (use wooden spoons!); return it to oven for 35 minutes more. Test for doneness—a meat thermometer inserted in the thigh should read 180 degrees, or juices should run clear when chicken is pricked with a fork. Continue baking if necessary. Let chicken cool for a few minutes before carving. Serve with juices.

Ronn Live -- Stephanie Paul Brings the Cheese

2010-03-16T09:13:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing Ronn Vigh does this show, just to give me content for my blog. :)

My friend Stephanie Paul is his lovely guest this week.

Bait and Switch

2010-03-13T13:33:00.000-08:00

I've been working on a web series baitandswitchtv.com, which just made it to the first page of the World News! Look for PRETTY SHITTY BANK BANK #3 in the list. Now, I'm not in that particular episode, but I'm in several others in Episode 2.

Description of the show from the site: Each TV episode is a deep-dive investigation of a serious, controversial, or hot-button issue -- dipped, steamed, deep fried, and drizzled with comedy. Why examine serious topics with comedy? Because, as you'll see, so many of these life and death topics lend themselves so perfectly to theater of the absurd.

I've included a picture of me as a Real Housewife of Tent City.

Ronn Live

2010-03-03T11:05:00.000-08:00

Here's my buddy Ronn with comedienne/cabaret star Lynn Ruth Miller.

Chloe Sevigny on NPR's "Fresh Air"

2010-03-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

I was so happy to hear Chloe Sevigny on NPR! I love "Fresh Air" and "Big Love," so this was awesome... Click here to hear the interview.

Kathy Griffin on the Wendy Williams Show

2010-02-22T13:21:00.001-08:00

I don't know how I miss this, it's usually on when I'm at the gym.

Me on Ronn Live on Vidsf.com

2010-02-19T17:09:00.000-08:00

The theme for today is safe sex

2010-02-19T11:33:00.000-08:00

My friend and fellow comic Ronn Vigh and I taped an episode of Ronn Live on yesterday. (I don't have the link to our episode yet, but I will post it as soon as I get it.) So our conversation turned to cable access shows and Ronn told me about Robin Byrd. Robin used to have a late night show in NY and Cheri O'Teri spoofed her on SNL. Unfortunately, we couldn't find an SNL clip, but here are Robin Byrd gems:

Aw, two broads I love...

2010-02-18T22:50:00.001-08:00

Camera on the helmet

2010-02-11T15:43:00.000-08:00

My brother got one. Here he is skiing...

Credit Unions v Banks

2010-02-10T10:28:00.000-08:00

I have joined a credit union--it's not the first time I've been with one. When I moved to the Bay Area and got a day job in San Francisco, it just seemed easier to join the nearby Bank of America my coworker banked with. God, how they've ripped me off. In this economy, every penny counts, and they hit with bullshit fees every chance they had. Every time I got one, I contacted them and had it reversed. If I weren't so diligent, I would be out money for having a low balance...well, how could I keep my balance at the required amount after I've lost my day job? Anyway, I copied and pasted this:

The Least-Trusted Banks in America
by Jennifer Saranow Schultz
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
provided by the New York Times

Customers of the biggest banks in the United States are the least likely to believe their financial institution does what's best for them as opposed to what's best for the bottom line, according to a new report from Forrester Research.

The report, Forrester's annual Customer Advocacy rankings, ranks nearly 50 financial services firms in the United States by the percentage of each firm's customers who agree with the statement: "My financial provider does what's best for me, not just its own bottom line." The results are based on a survey of about 4,500 consumers.

The bottom seven of this year's rankings, first to last, are Bank of America, Chase, Capital One, TD/Commerce, Fifth Third, Citibank, and in last place, HSBC.

Among Bank of America customers, 33 percent agreed with the statement above, while 31 percent of Chase customers agreed, 29 percent of Capital One customers agreed, 28 percent of TD/Commerce Bank customers agreed, 27 percent of Fifth Third Bank customers agreed and 26 percent of Citibank customers agreed.

Among HSBC customers, only 16 percent said they agreed with the statement, the lowest customer advocacy score ever reported in the United States, down 10 percentage points from HSBC's score last year and in line with other recent similar poor rankings of other HSBC units.

An HSBC spokesman declined to comment on the survey, since he hadn't seen it yet.

To put the rankings in perspective, large banks have generally been at the bottom of the list since the survey was initiated seven years ago, and many of the banks have alternated between the bottom spots year to year, said a Forrester vice president, Bill Doyle, who wasn't aware of anything particular HSBC has done recently that would make its score so low. Last year, for instance, Capital One was at the bottom with 22 percent of its customers agreeing with the statement. In fact, the more customers a banking institution has, the lower its customer advocacy ranking is likely to be, according to Forrester.

Why the poor rankings for the big banks? "Part of it is that the banks are preoccupied with their bottom line. They are public institutions who are in business to make money for their shareholder and inevitably, that shows to customers," Mr. Doyle said.

A high customer advocacy ranking means that customers tend to believe their bank takes their side in disputes, does what is right even if it's not required by regulation to do so, gives fair rates or performance comparisons and is clear about charges and fees, Mr. Doyle said.

Wells Fargo/Wachovia, by contrast, did better than the other big banks. About 40 percent of its customers said they believed the bank does what is best for them, with Wachovia's customers probably pulling up Wells Fargo's ratings, Mr. Doyle said. Wachovia has generally done substantially better in the rankings than the other big banks.

According to Mr. Doyle, customer advocacy rankings are a predictor of customer retention and attrition, and customers who rate their financial service firms high are more likely to consider their firm for additional products. In contrast, customers who give their banks a low ranking are most likely to switch in the next year and are "going to be reluctant to put any more money and open new accounts at those institutions," Mr. Doyle said.

This means the low rankings don't bode well for the bigger banks, many of which are reaching federal limits for how much they can increase deposits by acquiring other banks and must rely on attracting more customers to increase revenue.

Credit unions ranked much higher than the big banks, as they have in previous years, with 70 percent of credit union customers saying their financial institution puts their interests first. Mr. Doyle said this is because of credit unions' different operating model -- they are owned by customers -- and because they tend to emphasize customer service.

After credit unions, the bank run by USAA, a financial services company that serves the military and their families, came in next with 64 percent of its customers agreeing with the statement. It was followed by ING Direct, with 46 percent. Regional banks including PNC, U.S. Bank and BB&T came in next with rankings similar to Wells Fargo/Wachovia. Regional banks, which often can't afford big advertising campaigns, tend to emphasize customer service, Mr. Doyle said.

Insurance firms, meanwhile, remained the highest rated firms for customer advocacy, with more than half of all customers rating their insurers high on customer advocacy and insurers representing two-thirds of the firms in the top half of the rankings. The ranking of investment firms, meanwhile, fell below banks for the first time since the rankings began. Investment firm rankings tend to fall when the market isn't doing well, Mr. Doyle said.

In case you're an idiot...

2010-02-05T11:35:00.000-08:00

Watch this.

American Idol

2010-01-15T11:09:00.000-08:00

I watched American Idol for the first time a couple days ago. Even though I'd never watched it, I knew way too much about it since so many people talk about it. Well, I'm glad I watched it, because General Larry Platt made me laugh my ass off.

And of course, there is a remix. :)

Happy New Year!

2010-01-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I hope this year bring you much success, wealth, health and happiness! So I'm not a fan of New Year's resolutions. I think we set ourselves up for failure by making them. But my friend Keith Haddock introduced me to Sober January. Keeping your system clean (or however clean you can stand to keep it) for one month is a much more attainable goal than it would be for the rest of the year or the rest of your life. Click here to become a fan on Facebook.

Sober January Guidelines:

1. Jan. 2- Jan. 31
2. Birthday: one day off
3. No alcohol
4. No drugs
5. No cigarettes (try!)
6. Coffee is okay
7. If you stray, forgive yourself then get back on wagon

I took it an extra step and gave up coffee--I still drink tea, as I must have my caffeine. So far, so good, and I haven't been tempted. Only 27 more days to go!

New Year's Eve and .....Cool, my name was mentioned once in a long article! :)

2009-12-30T15:49:00.000-08:00

Need something fun to do on NYE? Check out the B52s cover band Private Idaho in Brisbane!

A writer mentioned me in an article about the local Scranton comedy scene after I performed at an open mike at a bar called "Bar" in Plains, PA.

Jed Haywood delivered his jokes in a deadpan style, accompanied by his own glockenspiel playing and Greg Gover’s strummed acoustic guitar. A few yards away from the stage, Sheldon Parker sat at a bar table, scribbling notes. He noticed some familiar faces in the crowd at The Bar’s weekly comedy night, so he wanted to add some new jokes to his headlining act.

“You mess with the bull, you get the horns,” Haywood said. “I wonder how many other animals they tried that out with first? You mess with the turtle, you get the shell. You mess with the hamster, you get the whiskers. You mess with Greg Gover … you get herpes.”

The audience, seated at tables in the performance room away from the bar, erupted with laughther, as did Grover, still strumming.

That closed the set for Haywood — one of five comedians to perform last Thursday — and Gover, the evening’s host, asks for another round of applause for Haywood before he brings Parker, the emcee, back on stage.

Every week, comics sign up to test their material on attentive crowds, hoping to work on their delivery, timing and content. Some are first-timers. Others have developed a following in the year that The Bar has been hosting comedy, and others still do gigs on the professional circuit, like the Wisecrackers clubs in the area and in Allentown and State College. Most are from Northeastern Pa., and performers at the Plains Twp. bar the past few Thursdays have included Candy Churilla, a Scranton native now based in California who appeared on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing,” and Jerry “The Nasty Pollock” Gabriel, another California resident who is from Wilkes-Barre and is a regular on the comedy club circuit.

NEPA might not be known as a hotbed of comedy, but there are many talented, up-and-coming performers, more established comics and stages of different sizes all over the region where fans can go to get in on the laughs.

“The local scene, I think, is just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger,” said Scott Bruce, a veteran comedian who runs the Wisecrackers clubs.

The goal for many of the rising comics is to play clubs like Wisecrackers, which might seem like an overnight process to some fans and comedians. But, as a rule, it takes almost 15 years to make it to headliner status, Bruce said. That, everyone interviewed for this story said, can only come from performing, performing and performing some more.

“I’ve done the Kirby and played Lackawanna County Stadium opening for Beatlemania, but I’ve also played a corner-bar-slash-pig roast in Falls and a sportsmen convention in Long Island in this rundown place,” said Joe Ohrin, a Wilkes-Barre comedian with more than 15 years of professional experience. “I’ve played in people’s garages. There’s not a 5-star comedy club in every town, and if there is, you’re probably not going to be in those.”

TAKING LAUGHS SERIOUSLY
The comedy nights at The Bar are an extension of a similar weekly series previously held at Donahue’s Hourglass bar in Wilkes-Barre which was started by local comedian Mike Grady. Gover, who is not a comedian but has been to comedy clubs all over the country as a fan, was impressed with the level of talent he first witnessed at Donahue’s and now The Bar.

“Wilkes-Barre blows people away, as far as comedy is concerned,” Gover said. “There are just such creative people here; it’s a really cool sort of subculture.”

As comedians made their way to Gover’s sign-up sheet last Thursday, Parker explained that they make everyone, even the more established performers, take the early slot “every couple of months, because no one really wants to do that.” Each comedian, he said, gets about five to seven minutes on stage, but “If you’re rollin’, you don’t want to stop them.”

Parker, who also goes by Lamonze Parker and often performs paid gigs around the area and in bigger markets, echoed Bruce and Ohrin’s sentiments that the only way to get noticed — and get better — is to perform in front of crowds as much as humanly possible. He sees that drive in some of the comedians that keep coming back to The Bar.

“A lot of the comedians are getting better in the sense that they want to get better,” said Parker.

Another way comedians can hone their skills is by attending classes or workshops. Bruce teaches one at Wisecrackers.

“It’s hard to teach people to be funny,” said Parker, who has taken workshops. “You’re funny or you’re not funny. You learn structure and how to get up there and perform.”

Bruce reiterated that even the more talented comedians have to work through the ranks, from smaller rooms to larger comedy clubs. And if they make it to the clubs, they’re greeted with another ladder to climb — and most never make it to the top.

“We’re obviously the professional level, so the comedians that we use basically fall into three categories,” Bruce said. “There are the emcee/hosts, the features and the headliners. To jump from a newbie to a headliner is nearly impossible; you’d have to be one hell of a talent.”

That said, Bruce is happy to see local comedians, may of whom took his classes, rising through the ranks.

“This kind of sounds a bit full of myself, so I apologize for that, but some of the kids that have taken my classes are moving right along,” said Bruce. “I have some very solid features and emcees that have all come out of my classes.” Some of these include Grady, who started the comedy nights at Donahue’s, C.J. Hood, who performs frequently at The Bar, including last Thursday’s comedy night, and Brad Todd.

‘THE ONLY PLACE TO PRACTICE’
There are some natural similarities between the musician and comedian vocations. Both attempt to work their way up from smaller shows to larger rooms, maybe opening for some bigger names along the way.

But there are some important differences. Ohrin, who also performs as a singer/songwriter and as a John Lennon tribute act, noted that music, especially in bars and clubs, is often treated as background entertainment, with patrons more focused on drinking and conversing.

“What I like about comedy is that the audience is there, and 90 to 95 percent of the time they’re watching and looking and listening; they’re there to enjoy the show,” he said. “They came to look at you and laugh. Music is a little trickier.”

Another distinction between the two is the style of preparation.

“You can go to your basement and learn to paint, you can become a drummer in your garage,” Bruce noted. “You can only learn stand-up comedy on stage. It’s literally the only place to practice. So the most important thing for these guys is to find stag time, no matter how they find it and where they find it. During the comedy boom, which was in the ’80s, I had moved to New York City, and I would average 15 to 20 shows a week. Believe me, you learn something.”

NEPA’S FUNNY FUTURE
Ohrin, who has voiced Lennon and Willie Nelson on the popular former MTV Claymation series “Celebrity Death Match,” continues to perform whenever he can, including Wednesday, Nov. 25 at Bentley’s in Ashley. So does Bruce, who will take the stage long with locals and fellow show headliners Pat Godwin and Mike Stankiewicz at Genetti’s in Hazleton on Friday, Nov. 27 and at Wisecrackers in Wilkes-Barre on Saturday, Nov. 28.

Wisecrackers, which will enjoy its 10th anniversary next year, has its local clubs at the Clarion Hotel in Scranton and next to Genetti’s in Wilkes-Barre; it will also regularly host shows at the Hazleton Genetti’s in the winter. The Wilkes-Barre location, which has been open sporadically, will have shows every weekend from January 8 through the end of March.

The Bar will celebrate the first anniversary of its comedy nights next week, and a new club, Clam Diggers, recently opened inside the Days Inn in Dickson City.

In Northeastern Pa., the comedy scene is flourishing.

“The club business is going to be around, I think, forever,” Bruce said. “The one thing I’ve learned over the years is people will always need comedy. It’s just one of those things — you can go out for a night and feel good.

“Like any business, it’s cyclical. We have our busy season, which is winter, and our slow season, which is summer. … We went through a couple lean years, and oddly enough, as the economy is getting bad, the comedy business goes up. It was the same way during the ’30s; the three big things were movies, vaudeville and radio comedy.”

Parker, who in 2006 took a one-week class at the American Comedy Institute in New York, is committed to making it to the next level and also developing The Bar into a stronger room for comedy. He has an apartment in New York, but he doesn’t plan on moving there — the idea is to establish himself there and come back to Wilkes-Barre. Again, the idea is to perform as much as possible, and there’s no better proving ground than New York.

“You’re gonna struggle, because there are a million people out there that think they can do what you do better than you,” he said.

During a week spent in the city in September, Parker did a string of shows. He worked on his act. And he also saw a lot of other comedians. And he learned something that more laughing fans in NEPA might agree with very soon.

“They are no better than anybody in Wilkes-Barre,” he said of the New York performers.

Comedy nights at The Bar (279 S. River St., Plains Twp.),

every Thursday, 10 p.m. No cover. Info: 570.825.3255.

Finally a new video with me

2009-12-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

I recently participated in gay Native American comedian Charlie Ballard's vlog series. Watch it and weep.

A little something to get you in the Christmas spirit...

2009-12-14T10:46:00.000-08:00

You don't have to be a Stern fan to appreciate this, and it's work-friendly! File this one under the "It's so dumb it's funny" section. Richard Christy of the Stern show prank calls a Christmas store...

My mom and her friend picked the wrong day to go to New York!

2009-12-11T10:01:00.000-08:00

Gunshots shattered the windows of a store called Broadway Baby.

I noticed my mom called me yesterday morning and didn't leave a message. I didn't think anything of it until her friend posted on my Facebook page, "Your mom and I almost got shot this morning." So I called my mom immediately, and she said they heard the shots and saw a lot of the action. Gotta love New York!

Here's the story copied and pasted from nytimes.com:

Updated, 5:50 p.m. | A plainclothes police sergeant fatally shot a 25-year-old man on Thursday morning outside the Marriott Marquis Hotel in Times Square after confronting the man, who he believed was involved in a fraud scheme to intimidate tourists into buying CDs, the authorities said. The slain man was armed with a loaded Mac-10 semiautomatic pistol and had fired first, the police said.

A major police response followed the shooting, which occurred around 11:15 a.m. at 46th Street and Broadway, a tourist-packed intersection, during a weekday morning when the streets were filled with shoppers.

Emergency medical workers took the man to St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Center, where he died. The man was not identified, but the authorities said he lived in the Bronx and was wanted on assault and disorderly conduct charges.
A second man, his brother, was held by the police and being questioned at the Midtown South Precinct, the police said.

On the man’s body, police found a business card for a Virginia gun dealer, Gary A. Lewis, who runs Gary’s Guns & Transfers in Manakin-Sabot, a pair of villages northwest of Richmond.

Hand-written on the back of the card, the police said, were these words: “I just finished watching ‘The Last Dragon.’ I feel sorry for a cop if he think I’m getting into his paddy wagon.” The gun had been reported stolen in Richmond on Oct. 28, the police said.

Police Commissioner Raymond W. Kelly and Paul J. Browne, the chief police spokesman, offered a detailed account of the shooting.

They said the sergeant — who is 41 years, with 17 years on the force — was ordinarily assigned to a detail charged with enforcing regulations governing street vendors and peddlers, but had been detached to work on a special crime-fighting unit.

On Thursday morning, the sergeant noticed two men who he believed had been responsible for a fraud scheme to intimidate visitors: They would first approach the tourists, then ask them their names, write their names on the CDs and then demand payment of $10.

The sergeant confronted the men outside of 1515 Broadway, south of 45th Street, asking them for a tax stamp that would demonstrate that they had the right to sell CDs.

One of the men ran north, then west on 45th Street and onto the driveway of the Marriott, toward 46th Street. The sergeant gave chase, ordered the man to stop. Instead, the man pulled out a gun. Shots were exchanged: the man fired two rounds, while sergeant fired four.

The man’s semiautomatic weapon was recovered at the scene, and investigators quickly determined that one round had shattered a store window and that a second was fired toward the box office of the Marriott Marquis Theater. A third round lay on the ground, evidently because the gun had jammed. Inside the weapon were 27 live rounds of ammunition.

Shannon Maggio, 32, a visitor from New Orleans, was on the 16th floor of the nearby Edison Hotel in a room facing the Marriott, with both windows open, when she heard yelling, and then an eruption of gunfire.

“I heard it clear as day,” she said. “I’d never heard a gunshot before, but I knew it was a gunshot. Pow-pow-pow-pow — just like that. Then I heard a guy yell. Then sirens.” She added: “I froze. My hair stood on end.”

The first 911 call about the shooting came in at 11:19 a.m., and emergency workers arrived a minute later, the authorities said. Preliminary accounts indicated that the shooting occurred at the entrance to the garage, which is under the hotel. A street-level driveway runs under the hotel the length of the block between 45th and 46th Streets.

The hotel was sealed off after the shooting, and the police shut the entirety of Broadway from 45th to 46th Street to both traffic and pedestrians, and much of 46th Street to the east and west, as well.

“Right now, the police are on property,” Kathleen Duffy, a spokeswoman for the hotel, which has 1,900 rooms and is one of the city’s largest hotels, said in a phone interview from outside the hotel. “It’s our understanding it didn’t involve any of our guests or any of our associates.”

The intersection of 46th and Broadway is in the heart of Times Square. The hotel — and a giant Bank of America illuminated sign — is at the southwestern corner; a large new American Eagle Outfitters store is to the northwest; Father Duffy Square (and the TKTS booth that sells discounted Broadway tickets) is to the northeast; and a traffic island is to the southeast.

In the shooting’s aftermath, there did not appear to be significant alarm, at least as judged by tourists who, far from avoiding the area, seemed to push forward to get a view of what had happened.

Emer Rooney, 33, a visitor from Ireland on the last day of a trip to New York, walked with a friend from a nearby hotel to take pictures of the scene. She said she had never felt unsafe in New York. “I actually feel it’s very safe,” she said. “Look at all the police officers.” She cited the shooting, in fact, as one of the more exciting moments of her trip, including recovering lost luggage at the Port Authority Bus Terminal and getting tickets to the musical “Wicked.”

A tourist from Australia, Suzanne Davis, 42, stopped to take images with a video recorder. “It’s my first day in New York, so it makes very real what you see in the movies,” she said.

Nearby, vendors continued to sell tickets for double-decker bus tours.

The people who sell the CDs are well known to the businesses and street vendors in the Times Square area. “They give people the CD, sign it, then make people feel obligated to buy it,” said Greg Carroll, who does sidewalk promotion for a comedy club. “Normally they just stay on the corner and ask people, but sometimes they do get in people’s faces.”

Employees at Embassy Electronics said they had called the police repeatedly for what they described as sellers harassing tourists outside their store. “First they give it to you like its free, then when they sign it, they ask for money,” said one employee who declined to give his name.

Other people on the street expressed more sympathy. “They’re good guys, I see them all the time,” said James Evans, who helps run a table for the United Homeless Organization — which has itself been accused of being a sham — on Seventh Avenue and 46th Street. “All of them do the same thing, they give them a CD and then they ask for a donation.”

“Nothing in life is free,” he added.

Sewell Chan and Sharon Otterman contributed reporting.

cute clothes

2009-12-09T19:32:00.000-08:00

I found a web site with some clothes I absolutely love! Check out pinupgirlclothing.com. Let's see if Santa brings me them...if not, I'd settle for world peace.

My pal Yayne Abeba's Guide to SF

2009-12-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

My City: Ethiopian eats, coffee, hot kicks and comedy
By: Lisa Geduldig
Special to The Examiner

Faves and raves by Yayne Abeba
Personal stats

AGE: 39

YEARS IN THE CITY: 39

NEIGHBORHOOD: Haight-Ashbury

OCCUPATION: Stand-up comedian

SELF-DESCRIPTION: The funniest first-generation Ethiopian, native San Franciscan stand-up comedian from the Haight-Ashbury that you will ever meet

FAVORITE CAFE
Cole Valley Cafe
WHERE: 701 Cole St., between Beulah and Waller streets
WHAT: The best coffee and PB&J bagels
INFO: (415) 668-5282 or www.colevalleycafe.com

This place has the best coffee in The City. Cole Valley Cafe has great sandwiches, plus they have PB&J bagels ... yum. The people who work there are great. Sidewalk seating lets you watch the unique Haight-Ashbury characters without them really being in your face.

FAVORITE RESTAURANT
House of Prime Rib
WHERE: 1906 Van Ness Ave. at Washington Street
WHAT: Been around for almost 70 years, and they have meat zeppelins
INFO: (415) 885-4605 or www.houseofprimerib.net

House of Prime Rib is a San Francisco institution. Delicious, meaty goodness for the carnivore in me. This place has been around for almost 70 years, and it is a truly unique S.F. experience. They have meat zeppelins — need I say more? I just need a man to take me there.

FAVORITE PLACE TO PEOPLE WATCH
North Beach
WHAT: Watch tourists walk into random objects
INFO: www.sfnorthbeach.org

I love to watch tourists wander aimlessly into peoples’ backs and parking meters.

FAVORITE PLACE TO SEE/PERFORM COMEDY
Club Deluxe
WHERE: 1511 Haight St., between Ashbury and Clayton streets
WHAT: Great place to see rising comics
INFO: (415) 552-6949 or www.liveatdeluxe.com

I always have fun performing there. The audience is always into it, and it is a great place to see up-and-coming comics in the Bay Area.

FAVORITE PLACE TO DO YOGA
Funky Door Yoga
WHERE: 1749 Waller St., between Shrader and Stanyan streets
WHAT: Yoga not for the faint of heart
INFO: (415) 668-2227 or www.funkydoor.com

I am an extreme girl, and I need extreme yoga! This is not your hemp-wearing, preachy yoga. This is 90 minutes in 110 degrees.

FAVORITE PLACE TO BRING OUT-OF-TOWNERS
Rasselas Jazz Club and Restaurant
WHERE: 1534 Fillmore St., between Geary Boulevard and O’Farrell Street
WHAT: Great jazz and Ethiopian food
INFO: (415) 346-8696 or www.rasselasjazzclub.com

I am Ethiopian, and I need to prove to people that there is more to our food than the flies that accidentally crawl in our mouths while Sally Struthers begs you to feed the children. Plus, the music is banging! Tuesday nights feature a 16-piece jazz orchestra.

FAVORITE PLACE FOR A DOG WALK
Stern Grove Dog Run
WHERE: 19th Avenue and Sloat Boulevard; entrance to the dog park is on Vale Street
WHAT: Lots of acres for the dogs to run around

It is one of the most beautiful places in The City; an escape from the concrete. It’s peaceful and serene. Lots of acres for the dogs to run around, plus they have a place where the dogs can dig to their heart’s content. Plus most of the people have very well-behaved and well-socialized dogs that just want to play.

FAVORITE PLACE TO BUY SNEAKERS
Shoe Biz
WHERE: 1420 Haight St., between Ashbury Street and Masonic Avenue
WHAT: Want hot pink high tops with silver detailing? They’ve got them!
INFO: (415) 861-0313 or www.shoebizsf.com

Shoe Biz always has the hottest kicks for the fashion victim in me. If I want hot pink high tops with silver detailing ... what? That’s how I roll. I know Shoe Biz has it for me. From Adidas to Vans, the best sneakers are at Shoe Biz.

FAVORITE PLACE TO GET A DRINKHobson’s Choice
WHERE: 1601 Haight St., between Belvedere and Clayton streets
WHAT: Custom rum punch drinks
INFO: (415) 621-5859 or www.hobsonschoice.com

Watch out for their custom rum punch drinks. They are delicious, but they sneak up on you. So don’t have too many or you will wake up the next morning trying to figure out who that person is next to you.